Call the Midwife – Series 5: Missing Scenes [505-508]

Herein is the second half of the Missing Scenes from series five of “Call The Midwife”. The missing scenes are ones that have been edited out by PBS for their broadcasts, which differ from the full-length broadcasts that the BBC airs – PBS versions are about 3-5 minutes cut from the originals. If you want the full versions I recommend purchasing the DVDs, available Amazon UK (Region 2; requires a multi-regional DVD player) or Amazon US (Region 1). As mentioned in the previous post, all dialogue and screen-captured images contained herein belongs to Heidi Thomas and her production team, and Neal Street Productions, and the BBC.

The first half (501-504) is available to view here. I will be adding the remaining episodes until the current series finishes on PBS.

Episode 505

At home with the Turners, Patrick arrives in the living room (as Shelagh and Timothy are preparing for supper) with the latest copy of The Annual Report from the National Office of Health for the Borough of Poplar for 1960.

Patrick: (Holding up the report) Ta-da! Hot off the press.
Shelagh: Is that the health report?I feel a drum roll is in order.
Patrick: Well, shall we see how we’ve fared?
Timothy: Thought it might at least be the new James Bond novel.
Shelagh: Far more exciting. Patrick Turner, GP, licensed to practice medicine, and secret agent, Shelagh Turnova, save Poplar from ill health and disease. (Shelagh and Patrick chuckling).


In the Poplar Community Centre, Trixie is continuing with her Keep Fit class. This week they’re working with hula hoops, some with more success than others.
Trixie: That’s it ladies. If we want to reduce, we must keep moving. And make sure you all have enough room. No injuries tonight please. That’s it!
Violet: (Swings hers a bit too much and it lets go) Oh, Sorry. (She goes to retrieve the hoop).

Trixie: (Blows her whistle for everyone to stop) And everyone sitting. Bottoms firmly on the floor. (All get seated) And arms up and arms down. And now we raise our legs as if we’re pedalling a bicycle. Keeping the arms moving, and pedal and pedal.
Violet: (Collapses backwards on the floor). Oh, sorry, Miss Franklin! My bike’s got a puncture. (The ladies around her chuckle).
Trixie: (smiling) You may dismount. Just this once, Mrs. Buckle. (Giggles) And pedal and pedal…



At the clinic, women waiting about, young children running about. A woman comes up to Phyllis with a urine sample wrapped in a coloured paper bag. Shelagh is sat at the desk doing some registrations. There’s a few men sitting with their wives in the waiting chairs.

Mrs. Cadman: Oh, not here, Nurse. Not in front of the gents. It’s my you-know-what.
Shelagh: Take a seat, Mrs. Cadman. (Mrs. Cadman goes to sit right next to Mr. Dawley).
(Phyllis takes the sample into the testing area where Trixie and Barbara are)
Phyllis: It’s got to stop. We can’t have women too embarrassed to handle the samples because men are present.
Trixie: (Takes the sample out of the bag.) I’m rather more disappointed at being given urine as a gift.
Barbara: I think the men are quite a comfort to their wives.
Phyllis: Well, they’re no comfort to me.
(Trixie and Barbara look at each other in amusement as Phyllis leaves the room for the main waiting area, where she addresses the men sitting there.)
Phyllis: Ah, gentlemen, we’re short of space. If you’d repair to the corridor.
Sr Winifred: Please come through, Mrs. Dawley.
Mr. Dawley: (Helping his very pregnant wife up from the chairs) Can you manage, my dear?
Phyllis: Today, if you would, Mr. Dawley.


Slight continuation of that scene – in curtains at the clinic. Sr. Winifred is with Mrs. Roseanne Dawley who’s quite nervous.

Roseanne: I was hearing about how the baby shouldn’t sleep on its back in case it gets sick. And it got me to thinking, what would make it sick.
Sr. Winifred: (checking Mrs. Dawley’s ankles for swelling) Oh, there are lots of little things. (Looks reassuringly at Mrs. Dawley) All babies get gripes and upsets.
Roseanne: Such as what, Nurse?
Sr. Winifred: (Returning to assess her ankles) Have you had a little look at the pamphlet I gave you?
Roseanne: I misplaced it.
Sr. Winifred: i’ll get you another one. (Turns to get one of the pamphlets from the table behind them.) But wind, over-feeding. They’re very common, Mrs. Dawley. You mustn’t worry.
Roseanne: But who do I telephone, if it does get sick?
Sr. Winifred: Us, Mrs. Dawley. Any time, day or night. Even if you have plumped for a hospital delivery over us.
Roseanne: Because they keep you in for 10 days, til they’re quite sure you’re ready to be at home, and til they’re sure baby’s ready, too.
Sr. Winifred: You and baby will be a pair. You’ll be ready together.



At the Dawley residence, Roseanne Dawley is arranging flowers while the cleaner was doing some dusting.

Cleaner: You do that beautiful. Fred’s mum always did the flowers. It’s where he got his love of incense and whatnot. (She comes closer to Roseanne and finds the Ante-Natal pamphlet Sr Winifred had given Roseanne.) What do they say these days about baby?
Roseanne: I don’t quite know. I haven’t got to it just yet.

Cleaner: Sir says I’m to come each day when the baby is here (this surprises Roseanne). Keep the house the way it’s always been.
Roseanne: Something so small can’t make so much mess, can it, Mrs. Dash?
Cleaner: That little scrap’s gonna be the biggest thing that ever came into your life. But, better get on now, Mrs. Dawley.



The nuns and midwives are all sat down to a meal chatting away then Delia enters the room and they all stand. Delia looks at Patsy a little surprised and curious as they all raise their glasses of lemonade.

Sr. Julienne: Nurse Busby, without your quick-thinking and calmness (Patsy looks on Delia with complete admiration), today may have ended very differently. (They all nod)
Delia: I only did what you all do every day.
Barbara: The difference is, we’ve been trained for it.
Delia: I was a bit rusty, but those obstetric lectures never really leave you, do they?
Patsy: Not if you’re taught by Mr. Slade. If they could bottle that man, we could do away with gas and air. A more numbing fellow you couldn’t find. (Laughter all around)
Sr. Mary Cynthia: It’s been ages since we had a BBA. (At Delia’s silent query) Born before arrival of a midwife. (Delia nods)
Phyllis: BBB, born before bicycle. (Laughter) Wretched things. I don’t know how you manage them.
Sr. Winifred: Well, that’s telephone duty sorted out. I’ll be washing my hair and reading magazines from now on.
Delia: I have to admit, it’s a lot more rewarding than male surgical.
Sr. Monica Joan: I have always assumed the results of the male organ to be more rewarding than the organ, itself. (Everyone stops a moment as they look like they can’t believe she made a rather crude comment, given the company).
Sr. Julienne: (After a rather brief moment, raises her glass again.) To Nurse Busby. We could not wish for a more trusted reserve.
All: (They raise their glasses, and Patsy bestows Delia an adoring proud smile) To Nurse Busby. (And Delia raises hers in a slightly embarrassed thank you).



At the Dawleys’ residence, in their bedroom, Mr. Dawley is enamoured as he is holding the baby whilst a disengaged Roseanne is leaning against the head of the bed.

Mr. Dawley: This little thing we’ve created is so entirely perfect. I know what my mother meant by not fully knowing love or fear until she had me.



At Dr. Turner’s office, Dr. Turner and Timothy are moving a desk around to make room for his chest clinic meeting.

Timothy: Although strictly a volunteer helper, I’d hope to see my good work reflected in this week’s pocket money.
Dr. Turner: I’m sure you would.
(Shelagh comes in from another area and helps them with putting out chairs).


Nonnatus House kitchen. Barbara is washing dishes as Phyllis was drying. Sr. Winifred is putting the dishes away.

Phyllis: I worry that the traumatic birth has put Mrs. Dawley in a peculiar way of thinking.
Barbara: There was something rather lost about her in the shop. A sort of sadness, as if she would have preferred to stayed in there with us. Could it be a touch of the baby blues?
Phyllis: She’s yet to forge a link with baby. That much is apparent.
Sr. Winifred: I don’t think Mrs Dawley ever fully believed she was pregnant.
Phyllis: I’ll keep a weather eye on her. (Barbara is scraping at a plate to get off some dried on food.) You think we might try gathering a little pace? I should like to devote what’s left of my evening to Spanish.
(This startles Barbara who drops the plate back in the water, resulting in soap suds flying up at her face, and sends Sr. Winifred giggling.)


At the Maternity Home / Dr. Turner’s Office, Shelagh was tending to a patient then goes for a biscuit on the cart – trying to keep her hands otherwise occupied – when Phyllis comes in requesting help, startling her.

Phyllis: Might I beg a favour, Mrs. Turner?
Shelagh: (Around a mouthful of cookie) Of course.
Phyllis: Mrs. Roseanne Dawley.
Shelagh: Oh yes. How…How are she and the baby? (Picks up the plate of cookies and takes them into the office and places them on the desk, Phyllis following behind her.)
Phyllis: She’s upped and left what, by all accounts, looks a perfect life. Would you have a glance at her notes, see if there’s anything that may indicate any difficulties?
Shelagh: Certainly, Nurse Crane. (Wipes cookie crumbs from her lips then heads to the filing drawers to find Roseanne’s records)
Phyllis: I’m worried she might have got herself into a bit of a pickle.
Shelagh: She registered two years ago.
Phyllis: Mmm-hmmm.
Shelagh: First visit was to confirm pregnancy.
Phyllis: Previous notes? Could they be under her maiden name, Lakey?
Shelagh: (Sighs as she goes through another drawer and not finding what she’s looking for) Oh, there’s nothing for a Roseanne Lakey. They just still be with her previous doctor.
Phyllis: Find them for me, Mrs. Turner. Quick as you like, please.
Shelagh: Should you telephone the police?
Phyllis: I think perhaps I shall have to. (Shelagh nods and Phyllis takes her leave as Shelagh goes back to the filing cabinet.)


At the Poplar Board of Health, Dr. Turner is sat waiting for a meeting with the Board director. He’s sat making origami as he waits. Another man in the waiting room lights up a cigarette and Dr. Turner takes in a deep breath then crushes his origami crane.

Director: All right, Turner. Let’s get this over.
Dr. Turner files into the man’s office ahead of him.


In thankfulness that none of Delia’s or Patsy’s scenes were cut at all this week, I give you these adorable images of Delia assisting the birth over the phone and Patsy being proud of her.🙂



Episode 506

Dr. Turner has brought his medical bag round to Nonnatus House to have his instruments cleaned. Phyllis takes the bag and places it up on the counter in the clinic room.

Phyllis: The autoclave is coming to the end of its cycle. I shall replenish your instruments as soon as it concludes.
Dr. Turner: Thank you, Nurse Crane. They said they’d come and repair the one at the surgery tomorrow.
Phyllis: (Opening one side of the bag) Oh, Doctor, whatever is this? (picks item out of the bag).
Dr. Turner: Cornish pasty.
Phyllis: Or, more precisely, half of one! And would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing? (She throws it in the garbage bin under the counter). Now, hop it and put your feet up in the parlour while I sort you out some instruments. (Shakes her head.)


Out in the courtyard at the neighbourhood picnic for the Pensioner’s Tea, Shelagh and Barbara are operating one of the food tables, as some of the Nonnatus nurses are doing hostess duties and delivering food/drinks. Trixie has come up to the table.

Shelagh: Mr. Pillbean has demanded a refill. I think he might just find we keep him waiting.
Trixie: Shelagh, did you know Mrs. Hills was expecting again?
Shelagh: Not until now.
Trixie: I just wondered who referred her to St. Cuthbert’s.
Patsy: (In her Scout leader uniform, arrives at the table and sighs) Frightfully sorry. Dreamless scone alert.
Shelagh: Run out of cream again?
Patsy: I think certain guests have been taking more than their fair share.
Trixie: I threatened to put one man over my knee but it only encouraged him. (Patsy gave a big grin in response.)
Shelagh: (calling out) Timothy!
Tim: (Comes over to the table from the piano; he’s also in his scout uniform) Please don’t make me play any more.
Shelagh: You’ve done your bit, dear. Now, run inside and open three more tins of Nestle’s cream.
Patsy: (digs into her pocket) In the meantime, I popped into you-know-where last night and you-know-what’s ready for you-know-when. (Both Tim and Shelagh are smiling as Patsy hands him over a key.) I think you better take charge of this. (All laughing as Tim leaves to heading into Nonnatus House).



In Nonnatus House kitchen, Delia is pouring some Ovaltine into mugs from a saucepan. Patsy and Barbara are sitting at the table. Delia’s wearing a sleeveless base of a dress she’d been making.

Patsy: How awful! We were only waiting up to see if you’d help Delia with her bust darts.
Delia: It’s all hands on deck once I start tangling with bodices. (places a mug in front of Barbara) I’m a terrible seamstress.
Barbara: (Talking about the young woman who’d been attacked and ran into her and Tom). There was nowhere she could turn to. No one who would help her.
Delia: Apart from you.
Barbara: (Sighs) A few kind words and a bit of antiseptic.
Patsy: There’s nothing to stop you from reporting it to the police. Perhaps you should.
Delia: It can’t do any harm. It might make you feel better.
Trixie: (Walking into the kitchen) Hello, girls. How was your evening?
Barbara: Well, er, we enjoyed the film. How was art history?
Trixie: Riveting. We’re doing Vermeer. I can’t resist a good interior.
Delia: I wondered if things had gotten a bit emotional. Your mascara’s run a bit.
Trixie: (Rubbing the fingers on both hands under her eyes). Oh, I sat upstairs on the bus, it got wretchedly smoky. Is that Ovaltine?
Delia: Yep.(Turns back to the stove to fix Trixie a mug of the drink)



Nonnatus House dining room. Sr. Mary Cynthia has laid a plate of food in front of Sr. Monica Joan.

Sr. Monica Joan: Very prettily done, Sister. But you cannot tempt me.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: Everyone has noticed that you aren’t eating properly at mealtime, Sister.
Sr. Monica Joan: My strength comes from another source. And I hope you do not need to ask from whence.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: No, of course not, but…
Sr. Monica Joan: How recently did you study for novice’s vows? Were you not appraised of the practice of mortification of the flesh?
Sr. Mary Cynthia: Yes. Are you trying to fast?
Sr. Monica Joan: (Sighs) I have few joys and, therefore, little to surrender.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: But Sister, you found the Lenten fast very hard. Why now?
Sr. Monica Joan: I am in fair health now, and able to sustain the sacrifice.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: But, Sister, if you want to fast, you must tell the rest of the community what you’re doing. That way we can uphold you.
Sr. Monica Joan: (Breathing heavily) Very well. You may remove this platter of frivolities.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: (Stuttering) Of course.
Sr. Monica Joan: (Sighs)



In the Poplar Community Hall supply room, Patrick, Shelagh and Patrick are going through the scouting supplies they’ve been approved for use for their trip.

Dr. Turner: Good Scout army surplus. (Hands Tim a large tent bag pack). Perfect for a week in the New Forest.
Shelagh: Patsy says they’ve been serving the Cubs of Poplar for 15 years.
Tim: (Opening the ties of the bag, looking at part of the tent) I remember this one from when we did our camping badge at Kelsey Bill. It’s got bullet holes along the ridge.
Shelagh: I’m quite sure they’re not bullet holes, Timothy. They were probably made by moths.
Patrick: Or mice. (Continuing to set aside items for camping
Shelagh: it does all smell rather musty. (Picks up a camping cooking pot.) There’s mould in this billy can.
Patrick: Oh, it just needs a quick swill in some hot water. (Sighs) Shelagh! This holiday is about getting back to nature and being together as a family.
Shelagh: We’ll enjoy it, won’t we?
Patrick: Yes, we will. Because we’ve earned it.



Episode 507

In the Nonnatus House Clinical Room, Phyllis, Sr Mary Cynthia are gathered, talking.

Trixie: I’m sure you deserved it (as she, Patsy and Barbara arrive giggling.)
Phyllis: (Taking a look at her uniform watch) And a round of applause to the Beverly Sisters. Better late than never.
Trixie: (As Barbara looks at her own uniform watch) We’re not late. It’s 8:00 on the dot.
Phyllis: If you spent less time lathering on the eye black, Nurse Franklin, you’d have been down here five minutes ago and ready to start work five minutes ago. Like Sister Mary Cynthia. (Patsy and Barbara are still half-giggling that they’re not in trouble). I’d be careful if I were you, Nurse Mount (as Patsy is yawning), it may be October, but there’s still plenty of flies still looking for a home. (Tim Turner comes in, smartly dressed in his school uniform). Good morning, Master Turner. You’re looking very spruce. New blazer?
Tim: Yes. Although it’s still purple, unfortunately. (The nurses chuckle).
Phyllis: So I see. Insulin?
Tim: My mum asked me to drop it off. And she says can Sister Julienne call in at the practice after surgery hours.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: I’ll tell her. She’s already asked to see me in her office.
Phyllis: Thank you.


Sr. Julienne’s office. She is standing by the window, when there is a knock on her office door. Sr. Mary Cynthia opens the door and pops in.

Sr. Mary Cynthia: Tea is on the table, Sister.
Sr. Julienne: I shan’t join you today. I feel I need to spend some quiet time in chapel. Perhaps you’ll say grace instead?
Sr. Mary Cynthia: Of course.
Sr Mary Cynthia closes the door behind her and Sr. Julienne is quite pensive. She heads to her desk and pulls out a well used copy of the Bible, scanning through a couple of pages of scripture looking for something.



Morning mealtime at Nonnatus House. During breakfast, the nurses and nuns are preparing their meals at the table.

Phyllis: Barge people are a law unto themselves. They always were. They don’t call them water gypsies for no reason. I…(stops and stares at the bryl cream that Tom had left on the wallpaper from an earlier scene) Good grief. Where did that stain on the wallpaper come from?
Barbara: (looks at the wall and with pretence replies) What stain?
Sr. Mary Cynthia: Oh dear. I do hope it’s not another patch of damp. Sister Julienne’s worried the building is getting wet rot. (Phyllis is inspecting the stain further, sniffing at it.)
Barbara: Ooh, perhaps its just an optical illusion.
Phyllis: (taps finger on the wall) This isn’t moisture. It’s grease.
Sr. Monica Joan: I surmise a manifestation from another realm. Spirits have been known to talk through the approbation of strange substances.
Phyllis: Well, whatever it is, it’s strange enough. Smells rather masculine to me.
Barbara: Masculine?
Phyllis: Though what it’s doing six feet up the wall is anyone’s guess.
(Sister Julienne enters the room and heads to her chair at the head of the table).
Sr. Julienne: Good morning, ladies.
All: Good morning, Sister.
Sr. Julienne: Nurse Crane will issue the morning schedule after breakfast. But, this evening, I would like you all to attend a special seminar here at Nonnatus House.
Trixie: I have an obligation this evening. I have it every week.
Sr. Julienne: Of course. I’m sorry. After a great deal of prayer and reflection, I have asked Dr. Turner to come and talk to us about the new contraceptive pill, which will be available within the next few weeks.
Patsy: That’s absolutely tremendous news.
Sr. Julienne: I’ve also invited Mr. Hereward to join us, so he can give us a Christian perspective.
Sr. Winifred: It’s a shame Sister Evangelina isn’t here. She’d have had plenty to say about it all.
Sr. Julienne: Sister Evangelina has elected to be absent. We must proceed without her view.



At the Mother & Baby Clinic at the Poplar Community Centre, the nuns and midwives are attending their patients. Phyllis is attending a young Ceylon woman and her infant. Sister Monica Joan is doing arts & crafts with the children.

Sr. Monica Joan: (as one child holds up his creation) Excellent! (to another girl with hers) Oh, really good!

Trixie is handing out orange juice and milk tokens.
Woman: Thank you.

Barbara: (weighing her patient) You haven’t gained anything in a month, Gina. Top of the milk for you and make sure you help yourself to an extra potato. (Gina nods) That being said, I’m not sure how much longer you’ve got left.
Gina: Still nothing doing, Nurse. I thought if I came down here, it might stop me painting the bathroom, or my husband.
Barbara: Oh, is he getting restless, too?
Gina: Not so as you’d notice. It’s like he doesn’t even know there’s a baby on the way. (Barbara’s looks like she’s not quite sure what to respond to that.)



At the mother and baby home, Patsy is attending her patient, Daisy. She’s taking a listen to the woman’s blood pressure.

Daisy: (Looking around). Am I the only one in here?
Patsy: Yes. You’re lucky. We’re unusually quiet at the moment.
Daisy: Ceiling is so high. Makes me feel dizzy, even though I’m not.

Patsy: Your blood pressure is rather good today.
Shelagh: Morning, Mrs. Blacker. A doctor will be here to check you out shortly, and I’ve come to ask if you want a soft or a hard-boiled egg.
Daisy: I have bread in the mornings, usually.
Patsy: Eggs are surprisingly rich in iron.
Daisy: (Referring to the bundle of folded linen that Shelagh is carrying) What’s this?
Shelagh: Nightdress, dressing gown and slippers.
Patsy: I told you, everything will be provided.
Daisy: No, I mean this (pointing at the lettering on the clothing)
Shelagh: It says, ‘Property of Kelinworth Row Maternity Home.” We write that on everything. (Dailsy looks unimpressed).



During the storm, with the power out, Phyllis is trying to direct an ill Gina, and her husband down the stairs of their tower flat, whilst she holds the new baby.

Phyllis: That’s the ticket, kids. One foot in front of the other.
Leslie: (holding on to his wife) Here you go. Almost there, sweetheart. (At a landing, they stop as they hear glass breaking)
Phyllis: Still in one piece, kids? (Gina leans over the banister and vomits)
Leslie: She’s being sick.



In the barge, Patsy is helping Daisy deliver her baby.

Patsy: That’s it. (Waiting as Daisy is doing most of the work herself, breathing and pushing the baby through.) That’s wonderful, Daisy. (Daisy gives her a look as if to say she’s not quite sure about that).



In the tower flat staircase, Phyllis, the couple and baby continue down the stairs. Gina stops at the next landing and vomits again. Leslie stops to wipe his wife’s face.

Phyllis: Come on, you lovebirds. (Phyllis hands the baby over to Leslie and she begins to assist Gina down the stairs.) Save your courting, til we’ve got you safely in that ambulance. (They continue on down the stairs.)


Not a scene cut, but the music selection played over the scene for Patsy and Delia at The Gateways Club was different from the BBC version to the PBS version.



Episode 508

At Poplar Community Centre Mother’s & Babies clinic. Sister Monica Joan and Sister Evangelina are doing child development checks.

Sr. Evangelina: (to a slim boy of about 8 or 9 yrs old) My goodness, young Lenny. You’re filling out nicely. Have you got bricks in your pockets? (She writes his weight down on her clipboard and he grins and shakes his head.) Marbles? (Sr Monica Joan giggles with the hand puppet she’s got on.) Well, must be all that extra milk we’re getting into you. Now, off you hop, and Sister Monica Joan will give you a liquorice allsort.

Sr. Monica Joan: It is Sooty who is handing out liquorice allsorts today, not I. (She grins as the boy takes an allsort from the hand puppet, as another boy steps up on the scales next to Sr. Evangelina).


Dr. Turner and Shelagh are assessing Rhoda Mullucks and her daughter Susan.

Rhoda: When she’s tucked up in her pram or all wrapped up, it’s not so bad. She looks like any other baby, and people don’t stare. Or, when she’s in the house, I just have her in a nappy and a vest, and she sits there, all propped up smiling like nothing’s the matter. (Susan starts fussing in Rhoda’s arms.) And then I remember, in the middle of the night, I remember she’s got no arms, and no legs. (Sobbing) I just lie there shaking.
Dr. Turner: Are you getting much sleep, Rhoda? (She shakes her head) Because we can help with that. I can give you a mild sedative and you can take it only when you need it. It’s called Distaval.
Rhoda: If I can’t fix her, I’ve got to fix myself. (Kisses baby Susan’s head).

Barbara is at a home visit with an expectant Sylheti woman. She’s taking her blood pressure at the kitchen table.

Barbara: That’s absolutely perfect, Tripti. (Barbara greets the other woman as well, speaking Sylhetti) Kubala.
Muna: (Replies ‘Thanks’ in Sylheti).
Barbara: There’s no need to thank me, Muna. It’s all part of the job. (Picks up her pinnard stethoscope) Now, let’s get you on the bed and see if we can have a listen to baby.
(Barbara gets up and pulls the curtain as Tripti follows behind; Tripti’s husband is lying on the bed.) Oh, Mr. Valluk, I beg your pardon. Are you working shifts again? (He nods and turns over).
Tripti: I’m sorry, but he will not look.
Barbara: It’s all right. Once I delivered a baby with the father fast asleep beside his wife. But, he was drunk, and Mr. Valluk just looks tired.
Tripti: It’s not the home we left, but it is a new home. (She moves her sari out of the way so Barbara can have a listen). That is why I want the baby born here, in my bed.
Barbara: And if that is what you want, that is what you shall have. (She smacks at a bug bite on her forearm).
Tripti: Something is bite you?
Barbara: No. Not at all (chuckling)



Barbara arrives at Tom’s, nicely dressed up.

Barbara: I think I’m allergic to fleas. I never get just a little bite mark, always a great, itchy welt.
Tom: There are some houses I go to where I have to wear bicycle clips to stop the fleas going up my trouser legs.
Barbara: And yet people try so hard. (Sits down at the table.) It’s almost always the landlord’s fault. Where there are bad drains, there are rats, and where there are rats, there are fleas.
Tom: Or bed bugs. (Tom sits as well) Bed bugs can really sink their teeth in when you’re sitting with the dying.
Barbara: (Chuckles) And on that romantic note, where are we going to go this evening?
Tom: (Leaning in) I have it on good authority that the Palace Picture House was fumigated just last week.
Barbara: I don’t want to go to the cinema tonight. I want to talk to you.
Tom: I’m always agreeable to that.
Barbara: And perhaps dance a little?
Tom: I’m agreeable to that, too. Although, please note, I’m not wearing any Brylcreem, so wherever we go, the walls will be quite safe.


Sr. Mary Cynthia is called out to see the new patient, Noelle, who had just arrived from Australia.

Sr. Mary Cynthia: I don’t think anything is going to happen just yet, Noelle.
Noelle: I feel like a bit of a chump, calling you out when there was no need.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: If a quick home visit helps you to relax and look forward to your wedding, that’s all to the good. (Sr. Mary Cynthia goes round to the window to open the curtains, then goes back to sit with Noelle on the settee).

Noelle: It’s like being royalty. Mr. Hereward says that the special license came from the Archbishop of Canterbury. Grand as well as quick.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: Is that your outfit? (looking up at the light rose colour printed dress hanging up.)
Noelle: I brought the maternity dress from home. And Tessie took charge of the accessories. We tried and tried to find me a proper gown but all the dressmakers were busy and, well, I’m not going to get anything off the peg in my condition, am I?
Sr. Mary Cynthia: Perhaps not. But I love the colours, and Tessie certainly knows how to pick a hat.
Noelle: It’s…just not very bridal. It’s not like I thought it would be when I was little and used to run around with one of Mum’s lace curtains on my head on a wash day. She used to say she couldn’t wait to see me all in white.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: You’ll still look beautiful, Noelle.
Noelle: But will I feel like a bride? (sad chuckle and sighs).


At Dr. Turner’s surgery, he’s going through his patient records from the filing drawers. Shelagh is on the phone.

Shelagh: (adamant) No, I won’t call back later. I’m quite content to remain on hold, thank you. (Turns around to see her husband with a bunch of files in his hands.) Patrick, you don’t know how the filing system works. Leave it alone or come and hold the telephone instead of me. (He gives up, but goes to sit on an adjacent chair; he’s very anxious.)
Woman on phone: Hold the line, caller.
Shelagh: Very well.
(Patrick gets up and leaves the room and Shelagh turns around and looks at the clock as is now noon and she sighs. Patrick returns to the chair with his cigarette and lighter and smokes it to try to calm his state of mind).

Sisters Julienne, Mary Cynthia, Monica Joan and Winifred stand at the base of Sister Evangelina’s bed as they prepare her for her final resting place. Sr. Julienne lights a couple of candles on the ledge at the end of the bed, and they all begin a prayer.

All: And it is certain that we can carry nothing out. The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away.
(As the prayer continues in the room, down in the dining room, Trixie, Barbara and Delia are adjusting Sr. Evangelina’s religious vow wedding dress so that it will fit Noelle).
Nuns: Blessed be the name of the Lord.
(As the nuns carry out the ritual cleansing for their late Sister, Barbara and the midwives make the dress alterations, Trixie adjusts the veil on Delia.)

The nuns: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord. Yea, saith the spirit, for they rest from their labours.
Trixie: (Knocks on the door, interrupting briefly.) The undertaker’s arrived. (Sister Julienne nods and Trixie leaves).


Very little dialogue, but in an instrumental montage, Patsy and Phyllis go around their district rounding up and collecting any bottles of Distaval (Thalidomide) pills.
Phyllis: (at Patient’s flat’s door) Mrs. Michaels.
(Switches to Patsy closing a door, and placing another bottle in her work bag, amongst many other bottles).

Back at the surgery:
Dr. Turner: Prescription patients have been passing Distaval around as if they were nuts at a party. (Shelagh shakes her head at the increased risk of patients with thalidomide babies.) I’ve knocked on Rhoda Mullucks house twice; there’s no one in and the neighbours don’t know where they’ve gone. (Shelagh hands Patrick a clipboard of papers).



Editorial Commentary
This series has been one of the most stunning ones that Heidi Thomas McGann and her team have accomplished. The writing was brilliantly done, with the first time a storyline (the thalidomide storyline) that has spanned multiple episodes of the series.

Every series, the stories, the characters bring a sense of realism and compassion that transcends any one particular generation. Families of multiple generations watch the series, both in the UK and abroad. I think that, no matter where we are on the spectrum of life, there is something about Call the Midwife that is relevant and something in which we can identify – either as nurses, patients or as anything and everything in between.

In this series, we lose one of the boldest, oft times larger than life characters in Sister Evangelina (played wonderfully for five series by Pam Ferris). Over the years, Sr. Evangelina has taught the younger nurses, encouraged them, criticized them, and loved them. She’s a character whose legacy will be missed by more than just her Sisters, and colleagues – as witnessed by the numbers of people who attended her visiting and funeral procession. She was loved by many and was touched by many; these people in Poplar, lining the streets during the final regular series episode of series 5, I felt represented the audience. Her legacy will live on by those she loved and who loved her.

Over this series we’ve also seen the growth and development of Patsy and Delia’s relationship, in the context of changes that the 1960s brought and will bring about. While the secrecy required of them poses its own risks to their livelihoods, the snippets of their lives at Nonnatus House showed that their love had only grown stronger since Delia’s return following her accident the previous series.

Phyllis. What a brick, to paraphrase Barbara. Phyllis this series has been so much of a support to the younger nurses, not only as a guide and mentor, but as a guardian of their lives. We saw a more relaxed Phyllis several times this series. She’s someone who’s not terribly quick to judge, is willing to listen, and has a knack for comforting them when they need it most. One who understands when secrets must be kept, but knowing that secrets create their own burden that affect their lives: Trixie’s alcoholism/going to AA, Barbara’s relationship with Tom, Patsy’s (unconfirmed) relationship with Delia. No good ever came from keeping secrets, did it, Nurse Mount?’ In some ways, Phyllis’s brisk nature resembles Sr. Evangelina’s, but not in the same way that it ever felt like there was a complete overlap.

Sister Monica Joan had her own compelling overall arc this series, which seemed to have kicked off in the 2015 Christmas episode; trying to figure out her own worth in a world that has been in a flux of change. Even with her periods of senility, she’s got words of wisdom, comfort to share, and love to give. It’s often in those quiet moments that we understand our worth both to ourselves and its affect on others. The strongest relationship she’s had this series has been with Sr. Evangelina; the sadness and confusion as Sr. Evangelina prepared to leave in 503 for the secluded silent nun’s order, to her joy at her return in 507, and utter loss and grief in this episode.

The Turners as a family have grown, learning to listen to each other more and take comfort in each other even when times get tough.

Trixie had a lot of personal growth this series in questioning where her life is heading now that she’s sober, and single. Her friendship with Patsy has changed, subtly – whether that’s partially down to the sharing of alcohol before, Delia’s presence at Nonnatus taking more of Patsy’s ‘free’ time, or some combination of both. Both of her cohorts – Barbara and Patsy are in relationships (the latter of which is secret, but Trixie’s no fool), and she’s feeling alone despite being in a houseful of nuns and midwives.

Sister Mary Cynthia has had some wonderful moments this series which have built upon her character, from the learning about her younger brother who died, how she interacted with the Mullucks initially, to her attack, her anger, despair, and then self-confidence following that incident. As she said, she may be afraid of many things, but speaking up when others won’t or can’t, that’s not something she’s afraid of.

Sister Winifred we really haven’t been given a lot of insight about this series, aside from the sole storyline of her dealing with the teacher who was pregnant and self-aborted her baby. There’s so much we still don’t know about her other than surface comments.

Sister Julienne, the guardian, protector, supporter, friend, boss. This series I feel she’s played much more of the support character, championing the others, whilst also taking on new and different responsibilities like her stint at St. Cuthbert’s Hospital. Her interactions both earlier in the series and in the finale with Ruby Cottingham over the death of her baby was beautiful and emotionally heartfelt.

We have a long several months wait until the Christmas episode (509), which will no doubt bring it’s own heartbreaks and joys. See you then! In the meantime, I leave you with some wonderful, though sad scenes about Sister Evangelina. We’ll miss you. Wonderful job, Pam Ferris!


Comments welcome.

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Call the Midwife – Series 5: Missing Scenes [501-504]

As I had done for the BBC series Last Tango in Halifax, I will be posting the missing scenes that differ from what the BBC airs to what PBS edits. The dialogue written by Heidi Thomas McGann and co-writers . Images belong to Call the Midwife, Neal Street Productions and BBC. The scenes where dialogue is missing will be highlighted in red. Rather than make eight separate posts, I will be adding to this post for the first four episodes, then another post for episodes 5-8, so keep checking back.

Episode 501:
This scene picks up once Phyllis emerges from Sister Julienne’s office, where Trixie, Patsy and Barbara are awaiting her exit.
Phyllis: Oh, go on. I’ll race you!
(She leads the group going up the stairs, where Sister Mary Cynthia and Sister Winifred have stopped to let them pass.)

Sister Winifred: Ah, no new look for us, Sister. Still, better 600 years out of date than 6.
Sister Mary Cynthia: Yes.



Meal time at Nonnatus House
Sisters Julienne, Winifred, Mary Cynthia and Monica Joan are at the table awaiting the midwives to arrive in their new uniforms. When they do, the sisters clap.
Sister Julienne: You all look every bit as smart as I imagined.
Sister Evangelina: (coming in behind them) What I want to know is are those waspy belts practical? If there’s one thing midwifery has always involved is a good deal of bending at the midriff. One protracted birth on a low-slung mattress and you’ll end up cut in half.
Sister Julienne: (sitting down for meal and grace) Bless us, oh Lord and these thy gifts which we receive by thy bounty (Sister Monica Joan stops eating the bread which she had already started on). Amen.
Others: Amen.
Sister Evangelina: I was at Lisbon buildings with Mrs. Gallagher and young Jeffrey.
Sister Mary Cynthia: Is he the baby with missing thumbs?
Sister Evangelina: And his mother’s no more nearer getting over it than she was six weeks ago.
Patsy: The trouble is, Mrs Gallagher’s quite the nervy type. She was demanding sleeping pills the moment she knew she was pregnant.
Trixie: I’d demand sleeping pills if I lived at Lisbon buildings.
Sister Winifred: Surely she’s on the list to be re-housed?
Barbara: Everyone in Lisbon buildings is on the list to be re-housed, but the new flats aren’t being built fast enough.
Sister Julienne: I’ll talk to Dr. Turner. Perhaps he can help with a medical note.
Barbara: Bad housing has a lot to answer for.
Phyllis: I think you’ll find family planning has a lot to answer for. These young wives get themselves a diaphragm and once they can pick and choose their family’s size, the picking and the choosing never stops. They want everything just so, and if it isn’t, they don’t know where to turn.
Sister Evangelina: I hope they know they can turn to us, Nurse Crane. Kind words won’t give Jeffrey Gallagher his thumbs but it may help his mother to cope.
Phyllis: Kind words are a universal panacea, Sister. And like you, I can dispense them quite liberally when occasion demands. And like you, I temper them with common sense.

Barbara: Would you like some bread and butter, Nurse Crane? (passes her a plate of bread)
Phyllis: Thank you. I’d also like the honey, as I see there is still no cake.
Sister Monica Joan: One wonders why you comment on its absence, given it is our common sacrifice for lent. Meanwhile, Islamists have festivals of fasting in which the frail and elderly are not deprived.
Sister Evangelina: I have no objection to our Asian neighbours, but when it comes to Lent, we do things our way. Thank you very much.
Phyllis: Honey, Sister?
Sister Evangelina: No. Bread and butter for me.


Reverend Tom Harewood walks towards Nonnatus House and Fred greets him from the garden.
Fred: (standing up to move to another section) Morning, Reverend.
Tom: Morning, Fred. You look busy.
Fred: (sighs) The Jersey Royals are comin’ on a treat. (Pats a new section of ground where the flowers are starting to emerge). Half a crown deposit secures a first crop.
Tom: I’m a curate, Fred. I’m so poor, the church mice feel sorry for me.

(Fred nods and cuts to Tom ringing the doorbell at Nonnatus.)


Patsy’s attending Rhoda Mullucks delivery.

Rhoda: (bent over, leaning against the bed, moaning in labour pains, Patsy’s rubbing her lower back). They’re sending men into space. You think they’d find away around this by now.
Patsy: We’ll have another try with the gas with your next pain
Rhoda: I feel like a right chump with my bum stuck up in the air.
Patsy: (smiling) Believe me, Rhoda, I’ve seen it all before.
Rhoda: I was hoping for a nun, not one of you young ‘uns. Bet you’ve all got lovely bleedin’ bums.

(Rhoda pounds her fist down on the bed with a groan as another contraction hits.)



Another quick shot of the photographer taking pictures of Barbara & Trixie in the East End. No dialogue.



At Nonnatus House, Sister Mary Cynthia and Sister Winifred are cutting up some fabric to make some nappies for Susan Mullucks.

Sister Winifred: But, if Rhoda’s husband won’t let her take Susan home and she won’t put her in an institution, where will they go?
Sister Mary Cynthia: There has been talk of finding her a room in a hostel where she could take the baby but she has two other children to consider.
Sister Winifred: It’s not going to be easy.
Sister Mary Cynthia: No. Things might resolve. The situation doesn’t have to be impossible.
Sister Winifred: Seems fairly impossible to me.
Sister Mary Cynthia: I had a little brother, born with water on the brain.
Sister Winifred: Oh. I had no idea.
Sister Mary Cynthia: We aren’t encouraged to talk about personal things. My mother wouldn’t put him in a home. When we took him out, she’d say, ‘If people stare, stare back.” And I never could, because after they’d stare, they’d turn away, shake their heads. And when they did that, I could see him through their eyes. But we knew we loved him. He died. Long time ago. And that was when we realized how much he’d really mattered.
Sister Winifred: God bless you, Sister. And him.
Sister Mary Cynthia: (slight sobbing) Thank you.
Sister Winifred: I just…wonder if it’s not something in the atmosphere. The father of the baby with the missing thumbs is a chemical mixer at the patchworks. (At first, Sr. Mary Cynthia looks like she thinks Sr Winifred might have something there, then realizes that the other nun does not).  There are atom bombs going off in the Sahara, and a polluted river running past our front door. 
Sister Mary Cynthia: I’m not sure any good can come of asking why, Sister. We have to accept things are as they are, and reach out with all the love we can find.
Sister Winifred: I suppose that’s what we’re doing now…Susan’s clothes.
Sister Mary Cynthia: The trouble is, these aren’t Susan’s clothes. They’re what we could find in the charity box. Things people threw away. And it just isn’t good enough.


Episode 502

Trixie, Patsy and Barbara are down by the docks, having a meal of fish & chips

Trixie: It’s practically a sea view. Imagine we’re dining in Saint Tropez with David Niven.
Patsy: Quite what he’d make of cockles and chips, I don’t know.
Trixie: It’s David Niven, it doesn’t matter what you’re eating.
Patsy: (Looks at Barbara who is distracted and saddened) There are chips going uneaten, Nurse Franklin. While not an emergency, it is a cause for concern.
Trixie: Patient shows no sign of elation in the presence of deep-fried matter.
Barbara: (smiles) I don’t know what it is. I’m trying to look after Mrs. Beckett. She’s got high blood pressure and she’s very anxious, but she won’t talk to me. Whatever I say, she makes me feel like I’m straight out of Malory Towers.
Trixie: It’s the same for all of us at the start. It’s about building trust.
Barbara: But I’m not new any more.
Trixie: No, but you are newer. You just need a few more battle scars.
Barbara: (saddened again) I have them. I just choose not to display them.
Patsy: (looks over at Trixie in a bit of concern.) Well, we think you’re wonderful. And we couldn’t manage without you. And your knowledge of bundt is quite unsurpassed.

(Barbara laughs and leans over to steal one of Patsy’s chips, followed by Trixie throwing one of her chips at Barbara. They all start laughing.)


In the clinic room getting ready for the day are Phyllis, Patsy, Trixie and Sister Winifred.

Phyllis: A new system. Help us get the most out of every day and ourselves. Each coloured pin represents you and your patient visits. We can see straight away if we’re covering the same patch. Nurse Mount, you’re on district with me. You’re yellow.
Patsy: Not my best colour.
Phyllis: I’m blue. Efficiency ladies. We need to do more and we need to do it faster.
Trixie: (quieter) Why not simply give us radio transmitters so we can telegraph our whereabouts?
Phyllis: There are people in Poplar falling through the cracks. I’ve persuaded the borough council to provide a number of home helps. So when you’re on your visits, make a note of anyone you feel you cannot call, we’ll put their names forward and see if we can’t make life a little easier.
Sister Winifred: Mission accepted.
Patsy: Quite so.

Phyllis: Oh, while I’ve got you. We have visitors of many lands now amongst us and I thought we might equip ourselves with languages to serve them better. I had hoped to find a class in Urdu or Punjabi, but these have eluded me. (Patsy and Trixie look at each other in surprise, trepidation and amusement). However, there is a module in Spanish starting this evening. Anyone who wants to join me, I shall be leaving at 7 o’clock. Sharp.


Barbara is doing a home visit with Mrs. Beckett. This section starts after Mr. Beckett leaves to find work.

Barbara: We want you to have your baby at home, but if your blood pressure remains high, we’ll have to bring you in.
Mrs. Beckett: It will be a relief. (sobs)
Barbara: Oh, Mrs. Beckett. Oh, please don’t be upset. The thought of baby is daunting, but you’re not alone.
Mrs. Becket: I’m talking about having no home. In the past six months, Johnny’s brought in next to nothing in shifts, and I’m living off what my sister can send us. I don’t know how we’ll make next rent.
Barbara: Have you applied for national assistance?
Mrs. Beckett: He won’t beg.
Barbara: But the assistant’s board is there for hard times. My father’s parish serves the docks in Liverpool and he’s referred many men to the board in recent years.
Mrs. Beckett: There’s work for those that wants it. The man I married, he would have died for his family. But, Johnny ain’t the same no more.
Barbara: Some men are overwhelmed by the thought of fatherhood.
Mrs. Beckett: There ain’t no time to be overwhelmed.


At Tom’s residence

Barbara: You make soup for the tramps every night?
Tom: Soup’s a loose term. I make something hot and wet for the poor devils.
Barbara: Every night.
Tom: Everyone deserves one meal a day
Barbara: Tom, what do you do when you learn something about one parishioner that another has the right to know but knowing would probably cause quite a bit of upset?
Tom: I deal with confidences every day. There’s no need to be quite so cryptic.
Barbara: One of my patients. Her husband’s not been working and she has high blood pressure with the worry. And now she thinks he’s back in work, and she’s so relieved. But he’s not working. He’s in a pub. All day.
Tom: Well, I’ve never been thanked for interfering in a marriage.
Barbara: (sighs) I can’t just stand by.
Tom: You’re quite the warrior, aren’t you?
Barbara: (looks at the mess around the table and clears throat) I thought cleanliness was next to godliness.
Tom: Apparently not.
Both work to clean up the mess of vegetables and pots.


Dr. Turner is visiting Mrs. Beckett with Barbara

Dr. Turner: Johnny has regained consciousness. (Mrs. Beckett sighs with relief). He’s been able to talk to the doctors. But he is very poorly, Mrs. Beckett. He has pneumonia.
Mrs. Beckett: Oh. I didn’t know what you was going to say then. Pneumonia. It’s the dust down on the docks. He just needs a vapour bath.
Dr. Turner: The chest specialist is treating Johnny. But he is concerned there may be some underlying cause. Your husband mentioned to staff he’d been exceedingly tired, for a good while.
Mrs. Beckett: Well, that will go, won’t it? With the treatment?
Dr. Turner: The London are going to run some further tests.
Mrs. Beckett: I should like to go to him, Doctor.
Dr. Turner: If I might suggest you go this evening, the consultant may have some of the test results back.
Barbara: I’ll go with you, Mrs. Beckett. It will fit in quite well with my rounds.


In the maternity home, Barbara and Trixie are working with Mrs. Beckett to get her labour moving along.

Mrs. Beckett: (cries) It must be coming. (Moans) The cramps.
Barbara: The cramps are from the castor oil. Your contractions haven’t started yet. (Mrs. Beckett moans again). Try to relax, Stella.
(Trixie’s preparing the towels for delivery. The door opens and Shelagh pops in for a moment to hand Trixie some more supplies)
Shelagh: Dr. Turner wonders if there’s any progress.
Trixie: We’re still in the early stages.
(Shelagh nods and leaves)
Trixie: We need to hurry things along.
Barbara: (nods) Stretch and sweep. (Trixie nods) We’re just going to feel what baby’s up to. (She puts her hands on Mrs. Becket’s abdomen, moving the baby slightly. We need to do a little more to bring on contractions.
(Barbara and Trixie switch places as Barbara moves to the rear of the bed). I’m going to gently stretch your cervix and then I’m going to ease away the membranes holding baby.
Mrs. Beckett: (cries) Oh, God.
Trixie: The procedure will release a hormone that will start your contractions.
(Mrs. Beckett nods and starts breathing heavily. Barbara and Trixie look at each other and nod in support as they start the next stage. Trixie holds Mrs. Beckett’s hand as Barbara gets to work on the cervix.)
Barbara: Now, another deep breath. (Mrs. Beckett moans). Well done. We’re about four fingers dilated. That’s very good.
Trixie: This should move things along for us.
Barbara: Another deep breath. (Mrs. Beckett whimpers in discomfort)
Trixie: That’s it. Breathe out. Think about Johnny meeting his baby. Think only of that.

Dr. Turner with Mr. Beckett in the London. A nurse takes Mr. Beckett’s pulse then shakes her head to Dr. Turner, he nods.

Mr. Beckett: (wheezing) My old man used to take me to the games. His old man took him. (He points to his chest). I got so much in here but my child won’t know it. (Breathes weakly)
Dr. Turner: Come on, Johnny. Kick-off’s nearly here. You are going to tell your little son or daughter that Spurs won the cup. Stay with us. Your baby is coming.


Episode 503

In Meg’s kitchen, her niece is sitting having a cigarette when Meg returns.

Angie: Auntie Meg. What’s it look like? The baby. Is it…well, you know…(pulls up edge of eyes, to indicate Asian).
Meg: (maddened at her niece for her obvious racism) “She” is beautiful. And she looks like my great granddaughter. (shoves the plate of bread and jam at her.)



In Delia’s new room. She and Patsy have been sorting things. Delia puts a picture frame on the dresser as Patsy is sorting a bouquet of flowers on a table.

Delia: You must be exhausted now.
Patsy: I must be. I don’t feel it. (Delia passed behind her to walk over to her bed.) There. (Smiles and heads over to join Delia on the edge of the bed and sighs). I’ve waited such a long time to sit beside you looking at a bunch of flowers in a vase.
Delia: Under the same roof, at last. Just you and me. And Trixie, and…
Both: Barbara and Nurse Crane.
Delia: And quite a few nuns. (Both laugh heartily)



After Dorothy heads towards Nonnatus but before she knocks on the door, there is this scene: In the Nonnatus House kitchen, Patsy, Trixie, Delia, Barbara and Shelagh are gathered. talking about Typhoid.

Shelagh: If it is Typhoid, we have the list of registered carriers at the surgery.
Trixie: No one else in the family seems ill?
Patsy: (sighs) Not as far as I know. But the extended family is huge.
Delia: Patsy, even if you’re right, the antibiotic treatment now is really effective. (She places a hand on Patsy’s arm). Typhoid isn’t like it was.
Patsy: (jerks her arm back quickly and speaks a bit more harshly than she otherwise would). I know that, Delia. I’m talking the prevention of spread.

(She quickly stands up, startling and upsetting Delia as she takes her dishes over to the sink. Everyone is rather startled by her behaviour).
Trixie: (trying to lighten up the mood, puts a plate on the table) Who wants toast?
Delia: (stands up from the table) Actually, I think I’m going to go read my book. (Leaves the room full of tension).
Trixie: (Moving over to Patsy) Patsy, that was really rude. Poor Delia was only trying to help.
Patsy: (quietly) I know.
Trixie: If I’d had a rotten day like yours, I expect I’d be touchy, too. Have some of Violet’s jam before Sister Monica Joan gets her hands on it. (Takes the dishwashing mop from Patsy’s hands.) Then go and say sorry to our new housemate.

(Patsy’s clearly troubled but she knows Trixie is right)



In Delia’s room, she’s lying on her bed, on her stomach, distractedly reading her book, when Patsy enters and shuts the door behind her. She’s tearful.
Patsy: I’m sorry.


(Delia moves to sit up. The scene cuts to Jeannette struggling with the effects of Typhoid then back to Patsy and Delia, sitting side by side on the bed.)
Delia: I knew you were thinking about your mother and sister, but I would never have mentioned them. I know how difficult it is for you to talk about the camp.
Patsy: I’ve been thinking about them all day. (Picking at the hem of her dress).
Delia: Of course you have. It must have brought back so many awful memories.
Patsy: I so wanted to let you comfort me. But I didn’t know how to do it with the others there.
Delia: (Turns to look down at the floor a moment) Patsy, if me being here makes you uncomfortable, (turns back to Patsy) I can go. I’m sure I’d find somewhere…
Patsy: No. I don’t want that. I want you here. I nearly lost you once already.
Delia: (smiles at her) But you didn’t.

(Patsy nods and sniffles as she leans into Delia, and Delia hugs her, holding her arm and rubs her arms.)




After Mr. Su gets his blood test and joins Meg on the chairs at the surgery, there is an extended scene of residents from that East End neighbourhood also having blood work done. At the end, Patsy is placing the labelled vials into slots in a box, checking them against her list of names.

Dr. Turner: We’ve missed the lab collection.
Patsy: Oh, I can take them up there. I’m not allowed to work in the clinic anyway.
Dr. Turner: (sighs) Oh, The clinic. (Puts on his coat) Do you mind?
Patsy: No.
Dr. Turner: Thank you so much. And can you tell them it’s urgent.
Patsy: Mmmm hmmm.



Episode 504

At the Community Centre Clinic, Shelagh is setting up a meeting for mothers-to-be about delivery in hospital. Several are already setting up in the chairs as Shelagh passes around pamphlets. Sister Julienne is at one of the stations getting preparation done. One mother comes in with a crew of three children. There are also some other children playing with toys in a play area.

Mrs. Cottingham: Is it alright if I bring the boys in?
Shelagh: (Chuckles) Of course. As long as they steer clear of Wendy House Corner. I don’t want another incident with the mangle.
Mrs. Cottingham: Oh, right. Go on. You heard.

Shelagh: Take a seat, Mrs. Cottingham. We’re just talking through the differences between home and hospital delivery. (As Mrs. Cottingham finds a seat, Shelagh passes her an information pamphlet.) We’ll try to give you as much information as we can.
Mrs. Cottingham: I’m stopping at home. Turn my back on my lot for 10 days, I’ll have no house to come back to. My old man would have lost it in a card game. (Chuckles all around) Or the kids will have burnt it down. (All laughing).
Expectant mother: Isn’t there any visiting in the afternoons? My Kevin’s on permanent nights.
Shelagh: Rules are quite strict on maternity wards. It helps get babies into a routine. Many new mothers find this quite helpful, though baby would see more of his or her father if you gave birth at home.
Mother: I want the gas though. Proper gas. Off a machine. Someone told me if you have it at home, they give you gas through the cooker, and I think that’s dangerous. (All laughing).
Shelagh: That would be very dangerous, indeed. Gas and air is completely different. And the midwives bring the apparatus to your home.
Mother: (Quietly) Oh. What if something goes wrong, with the delivery?
Mrs. Cottingham: Is it your first, love?
Mother: (Softly) Yeah.
Mrs. Cottingham: You’d be all right with the Nonnatuns, wouldn’t she? (The other woman murmuring agreement)
Shelagh: Dr. Turner is never far away. And in an emergency… (children shouting in the room) you can get to the hospital very quickly.
Mrs. Cottingham: (Turns around to see one of her sons as the problem.)
Terrence. You leave that little girl alone. I do not want any more fingers in mangles. (Turns back around to face the front.) Should have had them at the hospital and left them there. (Women laughing.)



Nonnatus House clinical room, Sister Julienne arrives as Sister Mary Cynthia has been on-call.

Sr Mary Cynthia: No calls this afternoon, Sister. Could have come to the clinic after all. (She takes Sr Julienne’s clinic bag from her and sets it up on the counter.)
Sr Julienne: I don’t like to leave the phone unmanned. This is usually such a busy time of year.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: (Upon phone ringing finally, she lights up). Nonnatus House, midwife speaking….Yes, of course. She’s here now. (Turns to Sr Julienne) Sister? It’s the matron at St. Cuthbert’s Hospital. She asked to speak to you.


At the dining table at Nonnatus

Phyllis: I’m entirely happy to deputise with regard to administration, Sister. But hospital routines are rather gruelling. Are you sure you don’t want to send one of the youngsters?
Sr. Julienne: It’s only for a week. But I’m sure St. Cuthbert’s would provide a bath chair if I can’t take the pace. (Sr Winifred giggles)
Phyllis: I’ll thank you for the beetroot, Sr. Winifred.
Patsy: Sr. Julienne, I really don’t mind going. I’ve never been seconded to St. Cuthbert’s. They’ve won prizes for their hygiene.
Sr. Julienne: I’ve volunteered my services for several reasons. First, their need is great. Second, my load here is lightest, in terms of clinical work. And third,
I haven’t worked in a hospital for almost ten years. More and more women are choosing hospital deliveries. I’m keen to see why.
Phyllis: I think you’ll find that whatever the fold involves, babies come out in much the same way. And they have done since Adam and Eve were in their birthday suits.
Sr. Julienne: Sister Mary Cynthia? Whilst I’m in hospital, would you be kind enough to draw up a plan for Sr. Hildegard’s service?
Sr. Mary Cynthia: It would be an honour, Sister. (Sr. Monica Joan looks both surprised and a little agitated.)
Sr. Monica Joan: But the child barely knows the woman’s name, let alone count her virtues. Or recall her toil.
Sr. Julienne: I thought this would be a chance for her to learn.
Sr. Mary Cynthia: It will. (Turns to the elder nun) If Sister Monica Joan will help me.
Sr. Monica Joan: (Suddenly happy) We shall toil together. Like Ruth and Naomi, after the death of Elimelech.
Sr. Winifred: That would be lovely.


On the front steps of Nonnatus House, Patsy and Delia are sitting down as Delia holds out a newspaper.

Delia: I can’t believe La Dolce Vita is finally here. I’ve been reading about it in magazines for the past twelve months.
Patsy: And I’ve been promising to sit through it with you.
Delia: (looks knowingly at Patsy) You want to see Anita Ekberg in that fountain just as much as I do. I’m not on duty a week next Friday. And as far as I can ascertain you’re not on call.
Patsy: (Smiles up at her) Have you been looking at the advance roster?
Delia: Guilty as charged. (They both laugh, leaning a bit against each other). But is it a date?
Trixie: (Comes out to join them) What are you two up to?
Delia: Trying to get our legs brown. I’m not doing too badly, but poor Patsy’s struggling, (smirks down at Patsy) what with being a redhead and everything.
Patsy: (Grins) I had shins like milk bottles even when I was a blonde.
Trixie: (Looks over at the page Delia’s got open.) Oh, just look at Anita Ekberg’s bust in that black dress. (Patsy & Delia doing just that.) She must be wearing the most stupendous brassiere or how on earth has she managed to go strapless?
Patsy:Well, if you come to the flicks with us next Friday, you might find out.
(Delia gives her a dirty look, which Patsy realizes she’s just stuck her foot in it with her girlfriend)
Trixie: Oh, how perfectly marvellous. Should we treat ourselves to the two and nines?

Barbara: (Just came outside to join them on the steps). I’ve just tried rubbing my legs with Trex to speed things up. There’s a great big block of it in the fridge because Nurse Crane won’t eat anything fried and dripping.
Delia: Do you fancy coming to the pictures next week Barbara? We’re going up West to see La Dolce Vita. If enough people join in (gives Patsy another dirty look), we could book a charabanc. (Patsy gives her look that just says ‘I know. I’m sorry’).
Barbara: What day next week?
Delia: Friday.
Barbara: I’d love to, if I’m not busy.
Trixie: (Annoyed) Why would you be busy, Barbara?
(Patsy & Delia look at Trixie as her tone is quite frosty, and they’re wanting to stay out of it, and be anywhere else.)
Trixie: You normally have Friday evenings off.
Barbara: (Lying as she hasn’t yet told Trixie of her relationship with Tom.) A relative from my mother’s side is going to be in London, and I promised her I’d show her the sights.
Trixie: How terribly public-spirited of you.
Barbara: No, not really. I’m just very fond of Cousin Mabel.
Trixie: (Starts to stand up) Of course you are.
Barbara: Trixie?
Trixie: You’ll have to excuse me. I’m going to make myself a face mask out of salad cream. I believe one can find the most amazing aids to beauty in the kitchen cupboards. (Turns to head back inside)
Barbara: (Sighs loudly).


At Nonnatus house at night. Patsy arrives home and heads towards the kitchen first to put down her bag first. She finds Delia, with her hair down, standing there in her pyjamas at the stove, pouring milk into a saucepan. Patsy watches her for a moment, smiling before she says anything.

Patsy: Delia…
Delia: (Turns and smiles big) There’s no one here. There’s nobody watching. Nobody but us. (Walks towards Patsy)
Patsy: You waited up. (Puts her arms on Delia’s drawing her close)
Delia: Yes. It’s what we dreamed of, wasn’t it? When we were planning the flat, before our future got interrupted.
Patsy: (Begins playing with Delia’s hair) Do you know, Dels, in my whole life, I never once had anyone wait up for me.
(Delia looks over Patsy’s shoulder to make sure there was no one around, the placing her hands on Patsy’s waist began to move her around the kitchen; Patsy, too looks over her shoulder).
Delia: I bet you never had anyone make you a cup of Bournvita with a tot of Johnny Walker in it either. (Walks Patsy backwards to the counter, Delia then runs her hand over Patsy’s shoulder to her neck) While you were out, I was thinking (Patsy raises an eyebrow at this) ‘I’m going to unpin her hair, let it fall down to her shoulders and run my hands through it. But you’ve gone so mad with the lacquer, you could pull out every kirby grip and the beehive wouldn’t budge. (Patsy smiles widely at her).


At the home of Sadie Bulmer (patient with the arm dressing & coughing/congestion), Dr. Turner is there.

Dr. Turner: I think we need to refer you to the hospital for some tests. (Puts his stethoscope back in his medical bag)
Sadie: I’ve been coughing on and off for years. Everybody does around here. (Doing up the top buttons on her shirt). They said, we’d all be cured after the Clean Air Act.
Dr. Turner: The Clean Air Act wouldn’t have had much of an impact on conditions inside Heywoods, Mrs. Bulmer. We need to rule out emphysema.
Sadie: It’s emphysema what did for my husband. I’m a widow. I need to work.
Dr. Turner: You have a strapping grown-up son, Mrs. Bulmer. He could take care of you now. (Ian is stood outside the open door listening in.)
Sadie: I wish I had your confidence.
(Ian looks at his watch that was his father’s, realising that it would be worth some money to buy the engagement ring.


At the Turner’s home. Dr. Turner is poured over charts and journal articles trying to find out what has been causing the babies malformations. Shelagh’s in the kitchen making him a cup of tea.

Dr. Turner: This seems to be our only clue that these anomalies are part of something more widespread. This residential hospital that specialises in children with malformed limbs. (Shelagh brings in the tea)
Shelagh: It’s not a new hospital. But it is a new specialisation.
Dr. Turner: It may mean nothing at all.
Shelagh: Patrick, we have to go to bed. We have patients to care for in the morning. They don’t need us crawling in half-dead through lack of sleep. (She leans over him from behind and to the side, and wraps her arms around his neck.) I never know when I love you the most, but I sometimes think that these are the times that I love you best. When the whole world is sleeping and you’re sitting up, with dark rings beneath your eyes, just trying to make it better.
Patrick: (Leans back in the chair, Shelagh adjusts but still holding him.) Oh, Shelagh. (She moves behind him.) We had a wonderful old professor when I was at medical school, Macatin Phipps. He was a real physician. Cared about patients, inside and out. And he used to say, “Never be afraid to say when you don’t know the answer.” (Shakes his head) But these babies…Shelagh, I don’t know. And I don’t know if there is anything to know. And I’m scared.



Well, that’s it for 504. Stay tuned for episode 505 Missing Scenes coming soon…

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A Connection from the Past to the Future

An interview with Jason Whelan
By J. Lynn Stapleton

Some twenty-five plus years ago, I attended Gonzaga Regional High School in St. John’s, Newfoundland, where a group of students (Jason Whelan, Arthur O’Brien, John Rowe, Chris Andrews, and Pat Moran) formed a band that occasionally played at school events, mostly playing traditional Newfoundland and Irish folk music. That love for playing music continues to this day.

With the upcoming release of his second solo album, Connection set to debut 2nd January 2016, with a release show in St. John’s towards the end of January, I had the opportunity to do an interview with Jason Whelan.

Jason began playing professionally with Newfoundland blues group, the Roger Howse Band at the age of 17 and has since worked as a founding member of The Punters and Connemara. He’s also worked as a session player and/or producer on projects from artists including The Ennis Sisters, Shannygannock, Pamela Morgan, Matthew Byrne, Arthur O’Brien, Fergus O’Byrne, Jim Joyce, amongst others. His first solo album, “Blur” was released in 2003.

Jason also owns and runs The Sound Solution studio, a digital music production facility in our hometown of St. John’s, NL featuring full-length commercial recording production as well as cd mastering, demo, sound for film and jingle production.

Photo © Chris LeDrew

Photo © Chris LeDrew

JLS: Traditional Newfoundland music has long been part of our past and will be part of our future. What is it, do you think, that draws people to this genre?

JW: I think it is the depth of story, the varied complexities of the melodies and the abilities for people to recall them and perform them in a very relaxed setting ie just singing at a table etc that ensures they live on and evolve too.

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JLS: Newfoundland has such a strong history and connection to folklore and music, especially with regards to Newfoundlanders and the sea and its resources. In Blur (released 2003), you had songs which drew from those ties (‘The Emmigrant from Newfoundland’, ‘Petty Harbour Bait Skiff’ and ‘Stays the Same’), along with some touches along the political (‘’49’). What can you tell us about how this folklore and Newfoundland’s rich history influence continues with your new album?

JW: I think it is hard for me at this point to untangle that element from my playing or singing. Whether the song is actually a traditional song, or an original – the melodies and even my playing will contain it. The guitar solo on one of the songs is very much rooted in Scottish fiddle playing (even though I don’t play fiddle, I do play many Scots pieces on acoustic guitar or mandolin, so it is with an electric guitar solo. Same holds true for Irish or NL pieces a little closer to here). The songs all have those elements – just to different degrees.

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JLS: In Blur, your music combines some traditional Newfoundland and Irish tunes (‘Knows Ye Can’t Go Set’), along with some blues (‘Sally Brown’), techno/electronica & traditional blend (‘Exercise ’n Frustration’ – ed note: a favourite of mine), ballads (‘Beeswing’). What can we expect with your second solo album?

JW: Same here BUT… I think I may have pushed it a bit more; there is some more worldbeat (whatever that is) influence here. I think folk music is just a catch all term for whatever local styles are. If you love music and travel, you will take something from every place – perhaps subconsciously, but still it gets inside you. I hope this project is a reflection of  me and my influences, but rooted.

JLS: As a musician, what inspires you? Also, who’s music inspires you?

JW: I love different things for different reasons; I love the wizardry of great players – folk, blues, rock, classical etc. BUT I also love simple emotion whether it’s a 2-chord punk band ripping one or a Sean Nos singer from Ireland (old style solo singing in Irish). Emotional delivery for me is important, if you can only play/sing one piece, do it with feeling!

I am inspired moreso these days by people who tend to be balanced in their showcase vs message: Mark Knopfler, Richard Thompson, Ron Sexsmith, Colin Hay, Warren Zevon to name a few that say what they need to and don’t need to overstate or overplay to prove themselves (even though they could).

JLS: Newfoundland has just recently lost one of its beloved singer/songwriters in Ron Hynes, who recently passed away. His songs have been have been covered by many artists the world over. Two of my favourites of his are ‘The St. John’s Waltz’, and ‘Atlantic Blue’ (about the Ocean Ranger disaster). Which songs in particular of his stays with you and why?

JW: Ron Hynes was, and IS an incredible influence here and will be for some time. Like fine Scotch, some of his that I like best – I never liked at first, to be honest – until they sank in. But there are favs that I liked from the first listen – ‘Away’, ‘Man of a 1000 songs’ (which is eerily autobiographical for Ron), and ‘Final Breath’ (from Secret Nation). I also loved when Ron did Johnny Burke songs; Burke was kind of the Ron of the earlier century, and I feel Ron had a connection to him via his songs.

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JLS: You’ve worked with many local musicians, including Shannygannock, Pamela Morgan, The Punters, The Ennis Sisters. What other artists that you would love to work with, that you haven’t yet?

JW: I would love to work (and I hope I will) with the above again, and anyone else here locally that thinks I could bring something out in their songs as producer, tech or player. I would really like to do another compilation project like We Will Remain which I produced in 1998/99 to mark the 50 years of Confederation. Those projects are not cheap to produce as there are numerous acts and much time involved, but I think they allow everyone involved to shine through AND produce a project that may last as a cultural reference – sometimes well into the future. I think I should get that going as soon as I catch my breath from this one. haha…

JLS: Aside from your second solo album, what else have you been working on recently?

JW: A number of studio projects have come through here in the last few months, including a Christmas EP from Matthew Byrne and a stellar release from his brother Allan’s group Bluedrop – we have some projects booked tentative now for early Jan- I’ll keep you posted on progress and releases!

Photo © Chris LeDrew

Photo © Chris LeDrew

Blur is currently available in the iTunes Store and in Google Play Music, and on CD.

Jason Whelan’s studio contact information for rates, bookings, or more info…

Phone: 709-689-5580

Posted in Entertainment, Interviews | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Interview with Composer Fred Mollin

This is one of my early interviews that I found in one of my desk drawers recently and decided to post online. [Originally published in Fast Forward, the newsletter of the Fredericton Science Fiction Society, June 6, 1996]

An Interview with Fred Mollin
By Lynn Stapleton

On May 23, 1996, I had the opportunity to do a telephone interview with Forever Knight’s composer, Fred Mollin. Mr. Mollin has amassed a considerable career in music, ranging from producing albums for such artists as Jimmy Webb and Dan Hill. He has won one Gemini Award for series score for Beyond Reality, as well as two Juno Awards for Producer of the Year: Dan Hill; and Best Children’s Album: The Rugrats. He’s also received multiple nominations for Producer on Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch.” Mr. Mollin has a large body of work that ranges from series work, miniseries, cable movies and motion

Here, Mr. Mollin speaks of his experiences in the music business, his association with Forever Knight, upcoming projects, and the newly released Forever Knight Original Soundtrack Recording CD. The music was written by Fred Mollin, with guest appearances by Geraint Wyn Davies, Nigel Bennett, Lori Yates and Stan Meissner. Long Live the Knight!

LS: How old were you when you first got bitten by the musical bug?

FM: I’ve been playing music since I was really young. I started playing…my first instrument was drums, so we’re probably talking age 10. And then really when I made my first kind of professional music debut maybe when I was about 14 or 15. So I’ve been doing it since I was 13.

Image belongs to Fred Mollin.

Image belongs to Fred Mollin.

LS: Music sort of runs in my family. Does it in yours?

FM: Music didn’t run in mine. I don’t know where I got it from, but I got the musical bug really early. I didn’t really have much of a choice. I just followed my muse. I quit school when I was 16 to pursue music, so I’ve been a “professional musician” since I was 16.

LS: What sort of musical background did you have before composing for television and movies?

FM: Well, I was a singer/songwriter, and I had rock bands when I was in my teens and into my early twenties. I then went into performing acoustically as a singer/songwriter. I moved to Toronto because my older brother had moved there, and I wanted to check it out. When I was about 21, I made a career change that took a couple of years where I went from being a performer to a music arranger and then a record producer. Over the course of, let’s say, the next couple of years – so we’re talking the early seventies now – I made that change and all of a sudden we’re producing records. I produced records, pop albums for the better part of…I guess from 1970…’74 until about 1983. Within that time, I produced a lot of artists and had a lot of hits. I was very fortunate. Probably the biggest hit that you would know of in Canada would be Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch.”

LS: That’s one of my favourite songs.

FM: That I produced a long time ago. 1977 or 76, I think. So I was real fortunate that I was able to make that part of my career happen at an early time. Then I lived in L.A. For a number of years while I continued to produce records. In 1982, I moved back to Toronto and around that time I was fairly disillusioned with the record business and I just wanted to get more…I just wanted to get back to more of my own composing, my own music. So over the course of the next two or three more years I made a very slow transition from producing records to writing songs again, and then getting into TV and film music. I didn’t really plan to do that, it happened that things just worked out, and I had a couple of options. I took them and they worked out well. By 1985, I was full time composing for TV and film. So I can safely say for 11 years I’ve been a full time composer in this medium, whereas before 1985, I was still perceived as a record producer.

LS: I’ve noticed while watching the Canadian SHOWCASE Channel, where they air Friday 13th: The Series and Beyond Reality, that your name is listed there as composer.

FM: Right. More of my oldies, but goodies.

LS: You’ve also composed for the CBC drama, Liar, Liar.

FM: Yes, that’s a great film. I’ve also done a recent one for the CBC called Little Criminals.

LS:: I’ve seen ads for that.

FM: You must see that film. It’s brilliant. It’s so stark…so powerful.

LS: What kind of musical influences did you grow up with, that helped inspire you with the bands?

FM: I was very much…as opposed to…there’s a lot of TV and film composers that I’m sure you’ll talk to that would say, ‘I went to Julliard’ or ‘I studied here…’ and ‘I did this…’. I came from a whole different background, much more from the street, so to speak. I was from a middle class family in Long Island, NY, and I was completely taken by rock and roll by a very early age. By age five or six I was walking down the street, to the record store myself and buying records. I really loved rock and roll: it got me really excited by music, so my earliest influences were Buddy Holly, then around 12, it was The Beatles. And The Beatles were obviously the ultimate inspiration in a lot of ways, people like Elvis. All these were important influences. Then after The Beatles, I have so many people I was inspired by for my song writing, such as Jimmy Webb, Randy Newman, and James Taylor.

LS: And now you’ve been producing some of their music.

FM: Yes, I’ve been very fortunate, because I’ve been working with Jimmy Webb for twenty years. I’m just finishing a new album with him right now, actually. But I’ve been really lucky, I’ve had such good fortune in the music and recording business, and I’ve been doing it for a long time. It’s been one of these things where it’s as big a part of my life as anything. That’s really what started it. And my influences continue. I’m influenced now by the great TV and movie composers like John Williams, Dave Grusin and Randy Newman. There are so many people out there that I have such unbelievable high regard for.

LS: My most recent CD preferences have been the Forever Knight CD and the Braveheart CD.

FM: Who did Braveheart, James Horner?

LS: Yes, I believe so.

FM: Yeah, James Horner’s brilliant. There’s so many talented people out there, I feel like a phony. Like someone’s going to find me out.

LS: You’re not. What led you to composing for Forever Knight?

FM: There was a call that was made to my agent in L.A. That Paragon Pictures was looking for a composer for a new series, which of course at that point was Forever Knight. Actually, at that point it was still called Nick Knight. They put a call into about 10-20 different composers across Canada to pitch on it. Pitch on it means that they sent you a couple of treatments, with a couple of blurbs about what the producer wanted and you were to do a couple of sketches that were to evoke the mood of what you would do musically on the series. And I gotta tell you, I felt that there was a very strong chance that I wouldn’t get the job because I’d been working for Paragon a lot and they definitely touted me to Jim Parriott [Forever Knight producer] who I didn’t know. And I think Jim didn’t like being told who he should have. I knew that for real because at one point I think Jim told the guys at Paragon, “Look, don’t tell me who I should hire. It’s got to be my choice.” I remember telling my agent, Wayne Burgos – a great guy who died with AIDS, very sadly – that I wasn’t even going to pitch on this because I’m perceived as one of Paragon’s team, or something, and it seemed to me this guy wants to make his own mind up, and it seemed like I was starting off in a very bad way. I told Wayne, “Look, I don’t think I’m going to pitch on this, cause I think it’s a waste of time.” He told me not to do that, and just pitch it. If it was great, the guy was going to like it no matter what Paragon or whoever says. Basically Wayne said not do give upon it.

LS: The opening sequence is very evocative.

FM: Exactly. I did two pieces and one of the pieces I did turned out to be the theme. I mean, literally, outside of remixing it, that’s what I gave to Jim Parriott. He did have about 20 submissions, and they were all from the best composers in Canada. I really thought I didn’t have a chance in the world. Then it turns out I got the phone call saying we got the gig. That’s kind of the ultimate compliment because I had a lot going against me on that. When I met with Jim, we just got along so wonderfully, that it turned out to be – for my money – probably one of the best working relationships I’ve ever had. I can’t tell you how fortunate I feel that the music worked for him and I was able to have this wonderful give and take with this guy for the past four years. It’s been incredible.

LS: I had a group of friends over to watch the season finale, and it was great how the music added to the feel of the show.

FM: It was a great show.

LS: Very ambiguous ending.

FM: Absolutely. I spend about 10 minutes on the internet every night answering fans’ concerns, and I said, “Look, I don’t know if you were watching the same episode I watched, because you never see LaCroix kill Nick.

LS: And you never see Natalie actually die.

FM: You never see Natalie die. It’s totally ambiguous.

LS: I think the only one we know of for sure, would be Tracy.

FM: I think, yeah. And frankly, you know, if we had to lose Tracy, we lose Tracy, because she added an element to the show that was frankly more cop. I always felt, the only problem with the show is that sometimes it was too much of a cop show, and we love the vampire side. So I think we’re in very good shape because if they want to do a sequel movie or whatever, we’ve done nothing. I mean all we’ve done, as you say, is create an ambiguous ending, which we can easily change.

LS: The group on the fan-fiction list are going to be busy for the next while, because of the ambiguous endings, such as in “Last Night” and “Human Factor” [ep. 316].

FM: Exactly. On that one [“Human Factor”], clearly I believe that Nick brought Janette over, because the next day he sees the bodies and they have fang marks in them. Janette’s fangs. You know what. I think we’ve luckily left it [“Last Night”] ambiguous enough that if they need to come back to the show, doing a movie, or another season, we haven’t done anything wrong except create a lot of controversy. I loved the final episode. It was very emotional.

LS: Many of the show’s fans know that the cast is a close-knit group. Is that common or uncommon on other projects you’ve worked on?

FM: I think it’s not really that common, but at the same time, certainly the longer a show runs with the same team, I would imagine the closer you’d get. I think the fact that we were together in a sense, even though it was three seasons, it was actually four years. I think we just happened to get a little involved in each other’s lives, and I made wonderful friends. I think there’s a lot of the camaraderie there. It wasn’t unusual, though, maybe for a show that only ran for three seasons.

LS: What were some of your favourite episodes to score?

FM: Well, I probably would have to say the finale was the most emotional. I mean I really found myself getting very emotional as I was writing certain cues, like when he brings Natalie across, or not when he brings her across but when he bites her. ALS:o when I wrote the whole cue for Tracy, the whole thing after Tracy’s death, like all these things. When Tracy had to impale Vachon [“Ashes to Ashes”, ep. 321], that was very emotional. That show [AtA] was probably my most ambitious and probably my proudest moment, scorewise, because I think out of maybe…the show is 44 minutes long, so I would imagine there is 42 minutes of score in that episode. It’s all real big stuff and I felt great about it. I would say “Ashes to Ashes” was one of my favourite scores. ALS:o “Last Night” and “Queen of Harps” were my favourites. There’s one cute from “Avenging Angel” that they just let me go with no sound effects, just me.

LS: That’s one of the scores on the CD.

FM: Yes. There were 70 episodes, and there’s a lot of shows I loved.

LS: “Undue Process” is one of my all-time favourite episodes.

FM: “Undue Process.” Absolutely. That was another very emotional show. That’s on the CD as well. There’s a lot of favourites, but certainly of the third season, “Ashes to Ashes,” and “Last Night” are real high up on the list. There are a few others earlier on, too.

LS: How much creative leeway do you have with composing an episode?

FM: I have a lot. I was very lucky in that I was able to establish a form and a style with Jim. And once I kinda locked with it, he liked it. It was kind of like, ‘Okay, Fred. You run with the ball now.’ So I had a lot of freedom to work within the world that I had created that he liked. I couldn’t go too much further to the left or right, but as long as I stayed within the realm that he liked, I basically got to score the show as I saw fit. And it was a wonderful amount of trust. It was an incredible experience.

LS: From any of the different episodes, what was your favourite moment?

FM: Well, that’s a good question. There were so many. I have to go back to the most recent shows. I think just “Last Knight” overall. There’s just so many incredible moments in that show. I think the moment in “Ashes to Ashes” with Divia and LaCroix.

LS: Kathryn Long did a fabulous job as Divia.

FM: Yeah, that’s incredible job. I loved the scenes, the montage in “Avenging Angel.” I think that was kind of direction we could have taken in a fourth season. I loved “Queen of Harps” which just had great production value, wonderful scenes.

LS: I like the flashbacks.

FM: The flashbacks are always really rich. There were wonderful flashbacks on the train where they meet the young Hitler [“Jane Doe”] – those are great flashbacks. I love the show. I was a big fan, as well as being a big part of the show. I was a huge fan.

LS: A number of the fans know that the cast are into playing practical jokes on each other. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a practical joke on the set?

FM: Yes, I was the butt of one. On one episode called “Blood Money,” which was the last episode of season two. Ger [Geraint Wyn Davies] directed it. It was…Ger basically asking all his friends to do little cameos, walk-throughs, or extra parts. I had seen him in a restaurant a couple nights before he was shooting, and he says, ‘Ah, you’ve got to come on the set and I’ll put you in one of the scenes and you’ll do a walkthrough. I told him it sounded great, no problem, and it sounded like fun. In Toronto, I don’t live far from where they shot the show, so I said, ‘No problem.’ I went there and said, ‘Okay, look. I’ve got on my black jacket, black t-shirt.’

LS: They’ll stick you in the Raven.

FM: I said I’ll be like a Raven customer, and he said, ‘Great.’ So the day we shot in the Raven, I hung around and shoot the shit with everybody. When they wanted to shoot the scene, the one they wanted me in the background for, Ger kind of choreographed it, and it was a scene where Janette and Nick walked through the doors of the Raven; they were talking. He choreographed it with Lori [Yates] singing in the background. I kind of walked through, and he found an extra, blond hair, very attractive girl who was going to be fake talking to me in the background, as in the foreground, Janette and Nick are still talking. And so basically as an extra – I’m an actor and have been for many years, and I’m kind of a performer, so I know all that side of it. For people who don’t, as an extra, you never look at the camera, you’re always supposed to be doing your thing, whether its talking to someone or whatever. So I never looked to see where the camera was, I was looking at my companion, this fetching girl, faking talking and we were doing rehearsals. Then they do the first take. I wasn’t watching where the camera was going, cause I’m imagining the camera is on Janette and Nick, and it’s none of my business. I’m just an extra doing my extra business.

LS: So Ger just brings the camera around in front of your face…

FM: That’s just what I was going to say. What Ger had done is that he had told the girl on a certain direction or count or something to basically lock lips with me, and to really as close to sexually overtaking me, except with all her clothes on. The girl basically starting kissing me, this is while the camera is rolling, and I’m thinking to myself this girl is really thinking that she’s going to get a better extra part, if instead of fake talking, she’s faking that we’re kissing. Next thing I know, she’s jamming her tongue down my throat, and you know I’m a married guy, and I’m getting sweaty here. Of course by now I’m hearing laughter because the camera is right at my face. So they got all this on film of me being a) caught by surprise and b) being embarrassed, but the camera’s there and its like ‘oh shit’. They really got me on that.

LS: That’s one shot that didn’t make it to the Blooper Reel.

FM:: It didn’t make it to the joke real and I’m thankful. I was probably so shocked and embarrassed, that it would have been so hysterical. But yes, I was the butt of Ger’s practical joke at that point.

Screen Shot 2015-11-13 at 11.29.19 PM

LS: How were the selections for the Forever Knight CD chosen?

FM:: I didn’t choose them. I sent every single show’s score down to Mark Banning at the label, at Crescendo Records. Mark was patient enough and loved the show enough to go through all the cues and he picked out what he liked. Once he picked out what he liked, I then added a couple of suggestions on my end, and then I sorted through what he liked. We then kind of got to an agreement on what should be on the album.

LS: Some of Nigel’s [Bennett] cues are very interesting.

FM: Those are great. Nigel wrote them himself and he was very funny. We came in on a Sunday morning and did those real quick. It took him ten minutes to do them and we were all on the floor laughing, because they were so good.

LS: Are there any science fiction programs that you haven’t done that you would like to score for?

FM: That’s an interesting question. I’m not usually a huge sci-fi or horror fan, believe it or not, even though I do a lot of horror and science fiction scoring. So I can’t really say there is. You know I’m not really a Star Trek fan…I wouldn’t say that I aspire to scoring great projects. I don’t care what genre. I mean, if you give me a great drama, thriller, comedy, romance…I’m delighted to do a good project. I don’t really shoot for sci-fi or horror as my idiom. Actually, these days, I’m trying to get out of that a bit because it can pigeon-hole you.

LS: I remember that you had done some scoring for The Outer Limits. From that interview it seemed that the experience was not a fond one.

FM: No. The L.A. producer was a very bad person to work with, and made you realise how wonderful someone like Jim Parriott is. You get very thankful on a show like Forever Knight when you’ve worked on The Outer Limits, which is the opposite.

LS: Parriott seemed to have had a good handle on the show from the start.

FM: He’s just a brilliant guy, and he’s someone that once you’ve earned his trust, he allows you to do your best work.

LS: Aside from the Forever Knight CD and the Friday 13: The Series CD, are there any of your other compilations on CD?

FM: I don’t have any other compilations. I do have, of course, the records I’ve produced, but there’s actually a two-volume compilation album called ‘Vinyard Sound’. It’s on Critique, which is distributed by BMG, and it’s a pretty interesting one and worth a listen. It’s different musical artists from Martha’s Vinyard and there’s a cut of mine on each of the volumes. I’ve got an instrumental kind of new-age cut. There’s one on Volume I called “Kataima Meditations”, and on Volume II, there’s one called “Last Boat Home”. It’s all local bands, well-established artists and all the money goes to charities. They are lovely compilations and are available at the large record stores. As well as the things that I do in record production, I have a new album coming out in September for Jimmy Webb that I’m in the middle of producing now. That will be out on Guardian Records, which is part of BMI, and it will be called ‘Ten Easy Pieces’. Jimmy Webb is singing his most famous songs in kind of an unplugged setting and it’s wonderful. It’s going to be incredible.

LS: Will the sheet music for the main title [of Forever Knight] ever be released?

FM: I’m hoping that the main title theme will be released in a sheet music folio of other TV themes. The person you want to contact – and I suggest all fans contact – is Laura Levinsky. She’s at the Music Department of Tri-Star Television in Culver City. Laura is a lovely gal and the more letters and the more phone calls she gets about it, she can pass it on to whoever is involved. I think the more demand, the more they’ll be willing to put it out. [Laura Levinsky, Department of Music, Tri-Star/Columbia Pictures TV, 10202 Washington Blvd, Culver City, CA, 90230, USA].

LS:: I had noticed recently on the FK listservs that there are requests being made to various sci-fi companies to produce Forever Knight merchandise, and get it out there.

FM: That’s something Tri-Star should have done right off the bad. It’s really sad that Tri-Star didn’t understand what they had, because had they merchandised the show, we’d already be in our fifth season and they’d have had a hit on their hands.

LS: Had they even advertised the show, really.

FM: Exactly. They didn’t publicize, they didn’t advertise, and they didn’t merchandise or market, and what a shame because the fans out there wanted it.

LS: Where can we expect to hear from you next, other than the CD with Jimmy Webb?

FM: Well, at the moment, I just finished a movie called The Abduction for the US Lifetime channel and the Canadian network, The Movie Network. It stars Victoria Principle and Robert Hayes. I’m in the middle of Jimmy’s album. To be honest, that’s what I’ve got going. One of the things I’ve been doing over the last couple of years, actually the past year and a half, I’ve been building a library of music for Hard Copy – Paramount’s tabloid show. Lots of people do watch it to get the gossipy junk. But if you do watch Hard Copy, about 70% of the dramatic score would be mine. That’s on a daily basis. I’m continually evolving my library of music for them. So, between that, Jimmy’s thing, and the movie, it’s kept me pretty busy. I look forward to a new series or two for September, but so far we have not lined up anything particularly exciting yet. These things tend to happen now they start organising for a new season.

LS: I’ve been watching a good amount of Canadian programming and I continue to see your name come up in the credits as composer. You’ve become quite successful.

FM: I’ve been very lucky. In the past ten years I’ve amassed a lot of credit. I’ve got a lot of products out there because I’ve been very busy, I feel pretty lucky.

LS: I haven’t got any further questions for you, but I would like to thank you.

FM: I would like to thank you and the rest of the fans.

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Meeting Nicola Walker

A few months ago I had heard that Nicola Walker (along with the other cast members of the National Theatre) was reprising her role in the Arthur Miller play “A View from the Bridge” on Broadway. I had seen it with some friends when the National Theatre Live production was aired at the local cinema, which was very powerful and very well done. So, when I heard about the show coming to Broadway, I checked with a couple friends (Anna Tara and Bettie Laven) online who might be interested and able to go. And thus began the planning for my fall road trip. Tickets for the performance (on Friday, 6th November) were purchased by Bettie since she lives in New York City. We had tickets for one of the Preview performances

I left my home in Fredericton, New Brunswick (Canada) and drove down Anna’s (Hartford area of Connecticut) on Thursday and early Friday morning we took the train into New York City. I don’t think either of us anticipated that NYC would be as warm as it was. By 10am it was already mid 70s (24C). We got to our hostel (Chelsea International Hostel on W20th Street) after getting our MTA (Metro Transit Authority) cards and taking the subway down from Penn Station. We lucked out that there had been a no-show the night before so the room we were supposed to be in was all clean and ready, so we got ourselves sorted and up to the top floor (walk-up) and were just hot. After a break, we got hold of Bettie who was going to take us around a walking tour of NYC, including a walk along The Highline (an old formerly abandoned elevated train line that was converted into a park / walking trail). I’ve been on parts of The Highline before with friends, but since that time, it had been completed up to W34th Street. I’ll have pictures of my New York weekend in another post.

Lyceum Theatre door

Lyceum Theatre door

We’d picked up our tickets (held at the theatre) and then gone for supper at Junior’s at Times Square for a nice meal. I made sure of one more bathroom run; this is important as the show is 90 minutes long with no intermission and if you did have to go out they wouldn’t let you back in. Anna and I had both seen the show when the National Theatre Live broadcast it to cinemas earlier this year. It was powerful even then, seeing it on screen. However, seeing the show live was just fantastic! It’s stunning. The acting was top notch, the direction, which went with a very minimal stripped down version of the play was wonderfully done. Fabulous! I can’t recommend it highly enough – and if I weren’t a long distance away from NYC again, I’d go see it again in a heartbeat.

We had asked ahead of time where the stage door was for meeting the cast after the show; it was on the next street behind (W46th). We headed back there after the show and waited in line. Fortunately for us, there were maybe only 16-17 other people besides us three. After about half an hour the cast came out and we had the chance to meet with them. I had my Playbill and a Sharpie all ready to go and had it signed by four of the cast.


Nicola Walker was the third person we saw (I think) and wow. I’ve met other actors over the past few years but I’ve been a fan of Nicola’s for many years – and mentioned to her that I’d been watching her work since her “Touching Evil” days with Robson Green (1997-1999). We (Anna, Bettie and I) talked with Nicola for a few minutes – including me mentioning how far I’d come to see her in the show, how much we’re liking “River” and “Unforgotten”, and that we were looking forward to “Last Tango in Halifax” returning. There was a couple others that she saw then Mark Strong (who plays Eddie Carbone) came out of the stage door and we briefly spoke with him as well.


After the show, and still on a happy high from meeting Nicola, Bettie, Anna and I headed back to Junior’s to get some cheesecake. While it’s not a dessert I regularly go for, that night we went with a nice rich cheesecake with cherries and cherry sauce on top. Yum. Anna and I parted ways with Bettie for the night and caught the subway back to our hostel. Still so warm we ended up keeping the window open. Oh what a night, indeed.

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Last Tango in Halifax – Series Three – Missing Scenes [Eps 304-306]

This post concludes the missing scenes from second half of series three of Last Tango in Halifax.

Okay, so these episodes were probably the hardest to re-watch, and possibly one of the reasons for the delay – in addition to switching work schedules to help accommodate vacation time, and need for sleep as I work rather anti-social hours.😀

As usual, the segments omitted from the PBS broadcast are marked in red, and as the second half of the series has flashbacks, I’ve marked those in blue to differentiate from present day conversations. In this post, I have added a bit extra dialogue in some scenes rather than cut the scenes short here for brevity, oft times because the scenes are so brilliant as they are, and it loses something without the whole – kinda like what PBS edits out. (/snark)

As per usual, a huge thanks to Sally Wainwright for penning the series. Dialogue herein belongs to Sally, and images belong to Sally Wainwright and Red Productions. Much thanks.

If you’re interested in checking out the previous posts on missing scenes/words/sections from LTIH, here they are:

Series One – Episodes 101-103
Series One – Episodes 104-106
Series Two – Episodes 201-203
Series Two – Episodes 204-206
Series Three – Episodes 301-303

Episode 304

At the reception at Caroline’s house following Kate’s funeral. Greg, Kate’s friend and biological father of Flora, shows up.

Greg: Hello. Sorry. I know we didn’t hit it off, but I couldn’t not come. We were college buddies apart from anything else. So… how’s…uhm…I know I’m not supposed to ask, but how’s the baby?
Caroline: She’s fine. She’s fine.
Greg: A girl.
Caroline: yes.
Greg: I couldn’t…I couldn’t look at her?
Caroline: That wasn’t the plan, was it?
Greg: No. What’s going to happen to her?
Caroline: She’s going to be fine.
Greg: Are you?
Caroline: I’m looking after her.
Greg: Is that…?
Caroline: Official? Yes. I’m on the birth certificate as her parent.
Greg: No, I was going to say, is that what you want?
Caroline: Yes, of course it is.
Greg: It must be tough. I mean it’s not what you thought you were buying into, is it? You didn’t want her to have a baby and now you’re the one left with it.
Caroline: I didn’t not want her to have a baby.
Greg: Sorry, I must have misunderstood.
Caroline: No, I wanted what she wanted.
Greg: She said you weren’t as keen as she was.
Caroline: No, I wasn’t. But I wouldn’t have stopped her.
Greg: I’m sorry.
I better go. I’ve got the train back to Manchester. Just…I wanted just to say, I can see you’ve got a lot of help and support, but if you just needed someone to help look after her for a bit, or, and as I say, under any other circumstances, I wouldn’t be offering. In fact, I wouldn’t even be here. That was the deal and I’m aware of that. But if ever there was anything, I’m flexible. I’m self-employed. I can work anywhere. So I wouldn’t want you to feel like you couldn’t ask, or that it would be inconvenient, cause chances are, it wouldn’t be. That’s all.
Caroline: Okay. Well, thank you.
Greg: Have you got my number?
Caroline: it…it’ll be on Kate’s phone.
Greg: (nods) Well.
Caroline: She’s in the kitchen with my mum and Kate’s mum, if you want to…have a look at her.
Greg: I shouldn’t have asked.
Caroline: It’s up to you.
Greg: Okay. (Caroline starts towards the kitchen but Greg stops her.) Thing is, she’s with Kate’s mother. And…um…Kate’s mother thinks I’m an idiot. (Caroline continues on to the kitchen – her facial expression is one that would agree with Kate’s mum).



Alan’s talking to the Head of Maths at Caroline’s school, and having a cigarette.

Alan: Of course, they built the M6 toll road since then, so, well I’ve no idea if that’s any more efficient. (Takes a draw off a cigarette and spots Celia and puts it out). Oh shit.
Celia: Are you smoking?
Alan: Hmmm
Celia: You were smoking.
Alan: I wasn’t.
(Rest of scene intact.)



Following Caroline dropping William at the train station, she starts talking to baby Flora and Kate’s ghost:

Kate: Now what?
Caroline: God knows.
Kate: You’re doing really well, you know.
Caroline: No, I’m not.
Kate: I think you are.
Caroline: I’m talking to myself. That’s usually a sign of madness.
Kate: You can always ring Greg.
Caroline: (shaking head) Not ringing Greg.
Kate: He did offer.
Caroline: Not ringing Greg.
Kate: Maybe he’s not a big a twerp as you think he is.
Caroline: I think as twerps go in the twerp department, Greg is off the deep end.
Kate: You just don’t like him.
Caroline: No shit, Sherlock.
Kate: Don’t swear in front of Flora.
Caroline: Sorry.
Kate: You overuse that phrase anyway. You know that, don’t you?
Caroline: Yeah.

Kate: You do realize, as well, that Greg is the only person on the planet who’s likely to feel as protective towards Flora as you and my mum do. What use is my mum going to be? She’s winging it back to the States on Tuesday.
Caroline: Would you really hate it if I got a nanny? A good nanny? A really good, expensive proper nanny?
Kate: I wouldn’t speak to you, Caroline.
Caroline: Look…
Kate: You’ve got Mary Poppins in your head. That nanny doesn’t exist.
Caroline: Let me ring some of those numbers. We might both be pleasantly surprised. I promise…I promise I won’t do anything you’d hate. Look I love this kid, too. Not as much as you would have done, but I do. I do. I love her and I would do everything I can for her but I’ve got to deal with it all.



Gillian, Raff, Ellie and the baby are out in the yard as Gillian works on her truck, and talking about the wedding, and her not talking to Gary yet, and John’s staying over a couple weeks previous. There’s just one line there with a wee bit of cussing.🙂

Gillian: And I don’t want to hear any smart-arse shit-stirring comments about John in front of Robbie, all right?



Gillian and Garry meet up in a cafe for tea and a chat.

Gary: Hey, sorry.
Gillian: It’s okay.
Gary: How are you? (Gillian nods pleasantly as he leans over to kiss her cheek. Then to cafe staff over at the counter, he calls out.) Can I have some tea? (takes coat off and sits down) Thanks for meeting me.
Gillian: It’s nice to see you.
Gary: Is it?
Gillian: Why wouldn’t it be?
Gary: Well, Alan hasn’t rung me for two weeks.
Gillian: Ah, he’s been in Harrogate.
Gary: Yeah.
It’s all been pretty traumatic, for everyone.
Gary: Sure, but then you didn’t ring me back either, til Sunday.
Gillian: Well, I’ve been a bit snowed under, my self as well.
Gary: Course. Course. It’s just that I’m paranoid.
Gillian: Are you? (nervous laughter)
Gary: Not normally.
Gillian: How’s Raff doing?
Gary: Really well, yeah. He loves it. He’s great. He’s such a nice lad.
Gillian: He can be when he’s not being a cocky little dick.
Gary: Me and Felicity are not getting on very well at the moment.
Gillian: Oh really…
Gary: Oh sorry, that’s…
Gillian: No.
Gary: I mean, since all this was probably all my fault
Gillian: Why? What do you mean?
Gary: Suddenly I felt very angry after we’d been over for lunch the other Sunday.
Gillian: Why?
Gary: How’s Caroline?
Gillian: She’s coping. Why did you feel angry?
Gary: I don’t know why. It’s not…
Gillian: Angry with?
Gary: Everything. Why, why my parents never told me. That’s a conversation that I can never have with them now.
Gillian: Yeah, I know. I understand. I do understand, because I feel the same.
Gary: And I’m remembering things, things that happened in the past and I’m wondering whether they did think more about our Adam, that’s my brother, than they did about me.
Gillian: He’s younger than…
Gary: Yeah. And my dad was his dad. His proper dad. And I’ve never, never thought like this before. I’ve never felt angry or jealous before. Well not like this.
Gillian: No? It changes the past, almost. Even if it doesn’t. But yeah, it colours the past. Well, that’s difficult, but…
Gary: And then nobody rings me up. After that Sunday, so I got all this shit in my head about my real parents and I’m thinking “Oh, and now he doesn’t really want to get to know me.”
Gillian: No, that’s…
Gary: But I’m the one who always has to be the one doing the ringing up.
Gillian: No, Gary, honestly, you’re reading too much into it. It’s been an odd few weeks.
Gary: You’re getting married!
Gillian: (chuckling) Yeah. You are invited.
Gary: Really?

Gillian: Just ring me dad up if you’re worried you’ve not heard from him.
Gary: Yeah, well…
Gillian: What?
Gary: I daren’t…
Gillian: Daren’t? You’re Gary Jackson.
Gary: Yeah, but it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t want to end up feeling like I’m being a nuisance all the time.
Gillian: My dad would never think like that.
Gary: Your Dad?
Gillian: Yeah. My Dad, your Dad. Whatever.
Gary: He is interested in me, I think.
Gillian: Yes, absolutely. He thinks you’re fantastic.
Gary: And Celia liked me.
Gillian: She loved you.
Gary: Sorry.
Gillian: Don’t…
Gary: I’m not like this. It’s just been such a shock, Gillian. It’s like it’s only just sunk in properly.
Gillian: I know.
Gary: The implications.
Gillian: I do know.
Gary: I’m sorry. I get obsessed and a little weird about stuff. That’s just me. (Anxiously wringing his hands, then speaks up louder than necessary trying to get the wait staff attention.) Is she even bringing me some tea?
Gillian: Calm down!
Gary: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gillian: Calm down.



Episode 305

In the school cafeteria, the kids that put the labeled note on Lawrence’s back the previous week are a couple of tables away joking around. Lawrence and Angus decide to play a prank, lighting a firecracker and putting it under a nearby table, then stand up on the benches.

Lawrence: (accented voice) Everybody be cool, this is a robbery. Any of you pricks move, I’ll execute every last one of you. (Others are laughing, until the fireworks crack off, then screams. Lawrence and Angus start laughing and take off through the school).
Teacher: No running!
(The boys continue as they were and head out to the school grounds to the athletics field.)



Caroline and Gillian are in Gillian’s kitchen peeling vegetables and chatting.

Gillian: Suspended?
Caroline: Only for two days. I don’t wanna go over it.
Gillian: Is this since…?
Caroline: It’s ever since I got together with Kate, which obviously is difficult, but he was always a rebel who didn’t like doing any homework and, of course, John always indulged that sort of thing, so (Flora’s fussing in her carrier) I’m the Wicked Witch of Whatever, and John’s, you know…Jack Kerouac or something. Raff ever been suspended?
Gillian: No. (smirks) I was. Once.
Caroline: What for?
Gillian: No, I can’t tell you.
Caroline: Come on, why?
Gillian: Huh, what about you, Miss Goody-two-shoes? Were you never, ever in bother at school?
Caroline: (smiles) I was actually.
Gillian: (Gasps) Go on.
Caroline: It was bad. I never got suspended but I was in detention, twice. (Caroline’s smiling).
Gillian: Twice? Jesus, Caroline.
Caroline: Okay, this is good. This is funny. Home economics. You remember home economics?
Gillian: No, we did domestic science.
Caroline: Ah, well, it’s Food Tech now.
Gillian: La-di-da.
Caroline: It’s still taught by light-weights. I didn’t say that.
Gillian: I didn’t think you had. Go on.
Caroline: Okay. so home economics. I used to get so bored. I once got so bad I had a panic attackk. I’m 13 and I’m having a panic attack because I’m bored out of my mind. (Flora is still fussing). So, anyway, one week…(looks at Flora) She’s going to start soon.
Gillian: She’s fine. Go on.
Caroline: Okay, so, we’re making Cornish pasties. Cornish pasties? Why? Just buy them? (Gillian chuckles) So, anyway, we’d all done what we had to do and got everything in the oven and blah blah blah and we realized if we pulled our resources, us young ladies, we could make a few more. So, we invented a new filling. We cut up some brillo pads, a squirt of Fairy, a teaspoonful of Ajax, mix it in with the leftovers…
Gillian: Yes!
Caroline: Stuffed it in the pastry, brushed milk on the pastry, cooked them, they looked lovely. Went off to whatever class was next and fed them to the boys , who ate them. I’m sorry, but you know, they were complicit in their own downfall. I would have spat that out.
Gillian: Yeah but boys, they’ll eat owt, won’t they?
Caroline: Exactly.
Gillian: Plus, they’re not very bright. (She looks over at Calamity babbling).
Caroline: No, they’re just wired differently. So, they were all sick and we got sent to the headteacher and got detention. Which we all agreed afterwards that it was worth it because it was so funny.
Gillian: Well done!
Caroline: Thank you.
Gillian: (tapping on the fussing Flora’s carrier) See? Not perfect after all. And yet, ironically, my estimation of your mum now goes through the roof. (Smiles back at Caroline).
Caroline: So, what did you get in bother for?

Gillian: Having sex in the cricket pavilion.
Caroline: No! You’re lying!
Gillian: (Sighs) You’re not going to go all Headmistressy on me?
Caroline: Who with?
Gillian: Robbie…probably. Yeah, it would have been… him. See? Really should have stuck with him.
Caroline: (looking over at Gillian) Yeah.
Gillian: Will you come? To the wedding?
Caroline: I suppose it’d look odd if I didn’t, wouldn’t it? (long pause) I can’t believe that my mother’s gone to a football match.
Gillian: No. No! No?



Caroline arrives home with Flora in her carrier. John is there. There’s just a bit of swearing that’s cut out with a couple of lines, but the whole damned scene is so fabulous, especially Caroline’s telling him off, so I just included the whole scene.

John: Ah, you’re back. Lawrence is in bed.
Caroline: I thought he was staying at your flat.
John: Yeah, we were. But I think when it came to it, he preferred to sleep in his own bed. So…I bought him some noise-cancelling headphones. And I think those, along with the ear plugs when she starts…Might help. (Caroline picks up the carrier again and heads into the kitchen area by the dining room). Has she not…?
Caroline: No. Not yet. But she will. It’s only ’cause she’s been in the car.
John: Do you want a glass of wine?
Caroline: Uh…No. I’m going to bed.
John: How was Gillian?
Caroline: Fine.
John: Good. Good. That’s good. And how are you? How are things?
Caroline: Shit. But you know, it’ll get better.
John: No, it will. Of course it will.
(awkward pause) Right, well I’ll… get my jacket. (Leaves room)
(Caroline’s busy taking Flora’s things out of her carry bag, looks over to the couch and sees a vision of Kate)
Ghost Kate: You were happy today. I saw you.
Caroline: Briefly.
John: (Returning to the room) I just wanted to say. Bit ironic, now that I’ve got the flat sorted out, but it was just to say that we had a great day, me and Lawrence. It was nice. He was happy. We enjoyed each other’s company, and…Is there an argument, bear with me…Is there an argument for you and me…getting back together?
Caroline: No.
John: Fair enough. I just thought…
Caroline: Sure.
John: It was worth…
Caroline: Yeah.
John: Suggesting. Asking. Seeing what you…Well, anyway…I’ve put the idea out there. Perhaps it’s something to dwell on.

Caroline: (thinking through the crap that John is talking about – realizing that she’s not really paid much attention) Sorry, hang on. Wait a minute. What?
John: Well.
Caroline: It’s six weeks tomorrow that Kate died. It’s less than six weeks since Kate died.
John: Well…
Caroline: Are you seriously asking me that question?
John: As I say…
Caroline: God, you’re like something out of a joke book, aren’t you?
John: It was just an idea for Lawrence. And, well, for Laura…Flora, actually.
Caroline: Do you seriously think…
John: You were the one who asked if I’d help out the other day. Surely having two parents…
Caroline: What do you think I am? John, I don’t think that you do think, do you? I think you just let words spill out of your mouth and on to the floor and see if anyone’s stupid enough to pick them up.
John: Okay. Well, that’s…
Caroline: I’m a lesbian. I like sleeping with other women. I always did and this is after you’ve been trying so blatantly to get inside Gillian’s knickers, again.
John: That’s…That was never… (Caroline obviously thinks he’s an idiot and it shows in her facial expressions). Okay, forget it. I mistimed it.
Caroline: Yeah. I think that just about sums it up.
John: Okay, well I’ll drop the latch.
Caroline: Yeah. if you would.
John: I’ll phone you.
Caroline: Right.
John: I’ll…
Caroline. Yeah, whatever. (Starts shutting door on him)
John: That’s…(turns around as door shuts as he mutters)



Caroline’s on the phone with Holly’s mother after she and Alan and Celia return from the police with Flora. She’s holding Flora in her arms and still shaking.

Caroline: (on phone) Okay, thank you. Bye-bye. (puts the portable handset down).
Celia: You all right, love?
Caroline: Well according to her mother that’s why she dropped out of university.
Celia: Good Lord!
Alan: I thought you got her through an agency?
Caroline: I did. She had references. The agency obviously knows nothing, well presumably they don’t, or they’d never have taken her on.
Celia: You see? They can hide it.
Caroline: Her mother said she could be fine for weeks and then she’ll have an upset or whatever and then she’ll have a drink and that’s it, she can’t stop.
Celia: God, she must be sickened, her mother.
Caroline: (holds out hand) Look at me, I’m still shaking.
Alan: Well it’s a terrible disease. A young lass like that.
Caroline: She could have killed her. What was she not thinking, getting into a car…(hitting the kitchen counter with her hand for emphasis) Getting behind the wheel of a car, in that state with a baby. Somebody else’s baby. And where had she been to get so drunk? Where had Flora been? And why Bradford?
Alan: You really ought to ring that agency.
Caroline: I will. I’m going to. I just need a bit more…
Celia: They’ll get shut of her.
Caroline: Equilibrium.
Celia: She’ll not get work.
Alan: Well, she can’t be in charge of little ones if she’s…
Celia: Of course she can’t.

Caroline: You know she was such a nice girl at school. She was so…She was perfectly normal. Kate knew her. She would have been delighted with her. How could I have known? I couldn’t have known, could I?
Celia: It’s not your fault, love.
Caroline: What the hell am I going to do? I knew I shouldn’t have gone back to work. I mean, that’s it. I’m going to have to resign. I’m going to have to take early retirement. I’m just going to have to rethink everything.
Celia: Well, there are other nannies.
Caroline: No, no, no. No, Kate, she’d kill me.
Celia: You can’t resign.
Caroline: What choice have I got? It’s ridiculous. Even with a nanny, I come home and there’s still everything to do. I can’t sleep, I can’t think. I haven’t got a second to myself and then that’s not good for her. I want her to feel loved. I don’t want her to feel like she’s an inconvenience. (Voice softens as she looks at Flora) She isn’t.
Celia: I mean, who else is there? I mean, we said we’ll do what we can, but…
Caroline: I know. I know. I know. I know. It’s impossible. The whole thing is impossible.
Ghost Kate: (standing behind Caroline) You know, when push comes to shove, which it would appear to have done, you could always ring Greg.
Caroline: I suppose I could always ring Greg.
Alan: Who?
Celia: The father?
Caroline: Mmmm.
Alan: Really?
Ghost Kate: I know you can’t stand him.
Celia: I thought you thought he was a jerk.
Caroline: Yeah, he is, but…
Ghost Kate: You know, I’ve always thought you’d feel very differently about him if you got to know him properly.
Caroline: He offered at the funeral to help…
Ghost Kate: Ring him.
Caroline: (sighs) He’s self-employed. I don’t know what he does, but he meant he could be flexible and…And he did offer…And you saw what he was like with her, I mean. Well, he’d love her, wouldn’t he?
Celia: Yeah, but he can’t just drop everything, can he?
Ghost Kate: I bet he would.



John’s been talking with Alan and Celia – after finding Greg having dinner with Caroline and Lawrence – and talking about how everything in this marriage fell apart. Seemingly trying to compare his long-term affair with Judith with Alan’s one-night fling with Gary’s mother. Alan and Celia are not impressed. John tries to explain what happened, as shown through flashback after Caroline’s found out about Judith.

Caroline: (At the top of a rung of stairs, throws shoe down at John – he ducks a bit and it hits a glass frame behind him). Eighteen years! Eighteen fucking years! (Another shoe thrown).
John: Caroline! Caroline! Stop it, Caroline! The boys are in tears. They don’t know what’s going on. (book thrown)
Caroline: (suitcase thrown) Oh, well. Shall we tell them. Do you want to or shall I?
John: I think you’re becoming hysterical. (Caroline grabs a lamp post) No, really. I think you are actually becoming…(lamp thrown down the stairs at him).
Caroline: Your daddy has been having it off with somebody else, boys!
John: (Stammering) That’s…that’s that’s just irresponsible. (Another shoe thrown hitting broken glass).
Caroline: Despite having a beautiful home, two wonderful children and a pretty damned fantastic wife, Daddy has been putting it about elsewhere. (More items thrown).
John: That’s…
Caroline: What? What is it? Are you embarrassed? Embarrassed? You shit. (More stuff thrown as Caroline comes down the stairs, more glass broken). You shit!


(Out of flashback:)
Alan: Heck!
John: Yeah. I left. I left and I didn’t want to. And the irony is, that in her version of events, i.e. the official version of events, the one that everyone believes, including my children, is that I left her for an alcoholic. And it just wasn’t like that. (mobile ringing) Is that you?
Alan: (Checks his phone and answers) Hello. (to Celia and John:) It’s Gillian. (John looks predictably interested).
Gillian: Have you seen this week’s Courier? (referring to the Halifax Courier newspaper that she’s got laid out with an article about Gary and his real Dad – showing a Buttershaw-Dawson family wedding photo w/ Gary insert).
Alan: No.
Gillian: Huh. You’re not going to believe this.
Alan: Well, what is it, love?


Episode 306

This first scene is kinda split back and forth between Gillian having a panic attack at the house and Caroline trying to figure out what’s up, a meeting between Gillian and Gary, and Gary and Raff. Gillian tells Caroline that she feels guilty going through with the wedding because a) everyone else wants this big do for her and Robbie, and b) feeling guilty about the stuff in the paper.

(flashback of Gillian and Gary in a cafe chatting)
Gary: Why didn’t he come and talk to me?
Gillian: It’s not how he does things.
Gary: Just going silent on me and not answering the phone calls.
Gillian: He doesn’t make a fuss. It’s not his way.

(flashback of Gary and Raff conversation at work)
Raff: It’s embarrassing. You’ve embarrassed him.
Gary: How?
Raff: It’s like saying, “Here’s this little old fella who was unfaithful to his wife all those years ago.”
Gary: That itsn’t…That wasn’t…That isn’t what it was about at all.
Raff: No, but it’s implied. It’s fairly obvious what the story behind it is. That is going to be read by everyone who knows him. Everyone around here. And it’s embarrassing. You’ve humiliated him.
Gary: No, I haven’t.
Raff: Fine. You asked my why he seems to stop bothering with you. Well, as far as I’m aware, that’s what seems to be the answer.


(switches back to conversation with Gillian and Gary)
Gary: You know, if anyone should be embarrassed, it’s me. Finding out the man who I thought was my dad, wasn’t my dad, age 46. It’s me who’s been humiliated, lied to. God knows what.
Gillian: Well, obviously, that’s your perspective.
Gary: My perspective?

Gillian: Yes. That’s…I’m not making light of it. Obviously you’re having it to deal with.

Gary: I didn’t do the interview to embarrass him.
Gillian: No, but he is…
Gary: That’s not why I did it.
Gillian: Yeah, but nobody thinks…That’s not the point.
Gary: I did it because I want to celebrate the fact that he’s my dad. I did it to embrace the fact that he’s my dad. I don’t want any of us to be embarrassed about it.
Gillian: Well, that’s very nice, obviously. But from his point of view you can see, surely you can see, that you’ve pointed out in public that he was unfaithful to the woman he was married to. My mother.


Raff: My granny.
Gary: Yeah, I don’t think that’s how people would see it.
Raff: That’s how he sees it.
Gary: Is it Celia? She’s found an excuse to go all funny about it again, and make him feel bad about things.
Raff: No. If anything, she’s the one who’s been trying to make out it’s not as bad as he thinks.
Gary: Really? (sceptical)
Raff: Yeah.
And I think me granddad’s right about me going to university and getting a degree. Not that I’m not grateful about the job offer, but, I think on balance, I’d rather stick to the original plan.


Gillian: He keeps going up to my mum’s plaque at the chapel in Blackley, where we scattered her ashes.
Gary: Why?
Gillian: Because he feels guilty.
Look Gary. No one thinks you did it out of malice.
Gary: Well, maybe, I don’t know. Maybe he should feel a bit guilty.
Gillian: Yeah, well, he does. So…
Gary: So, should I apologise?
Gillian: Well, you could try.

(end flashbacks)


(Back to Gillian and Caroline’s conversation)
Gillian: I think he touched a nerve. My dad. I think Gary’s motives for that newspaper article were a bit dubious. So, they’re not speaking to each other. Our Raff’s declined, thank God, Gary’s very generous, thank you, offer to stop him going to university and take him on full time, train him up to be something he’s never expressed any interest in whatsoever. (Caroline’s looking a bit confused) Accountancy.
Caroline: Ah.

Gillian: So, that’s how I end up in this…fix. Peacekeeping. My wedding is a glorified peacekeeping operation.
Caroline: Okay, so…Okay, so I think to begin with, it’s not a fix. If you stand back and look at it, it’s…it’s bigger than you wanted. Yes. But actually what is it? It’s a few hours standing there smiling, and then it’s all over with. The chances are, and I bet you anything, you’ll get to the end of the day, earlier, sooner, once the formalities are over and done with and you’ll realise that actually, you’re having a great time. Or at the very least, it’s just not that bad.
Gillian: (heavy sigh)
Alan: (waiting downstairs, calls up the stairs to them) How are we doing?
Caroline: What do you think? Is it about something else?
Gillian: No, no, no.
Caroline: It’ll be fine. Come on, you don’t want your dad to think it’s his fault.
Gillian: Don’t I?
Caroline: You’re really normal to feel like this at the last minute. I bet you’ve got all sorts of daft misgivings buzzing around in your head, but you’ve just got to tell yourself that it’s normal, yeah? Okay?
Gillian: You didn’t want me to marry him!
Caroline: Yeah, but we talked that through and you made the decision, didn’t you?
Gillian: (sighs)



At the wedding do, folks are standing round talking. Robbie’s not feeling all too well following his stag do.

Harry: Hair of the dog.
Robbie: Does that work?
Harry: Never tried it.
Celia: I’ve no sympathy.
Robbie: Yes, Celia. You keep saying.
Dave: Try it and see if it works.
Harry: What do you fancy? I’ll get it.
Celia: What were you doing drinking til 3:00 this morning?
Robbie: It was a stag night. (Sighs) Banging headache.
Harry: What do you fancy then, lad? Brandy? Whiskey? Doubles?
Dave: All right. Go on.
Robbie: I think it must be summat else. I’m wondering if I’m coming down with flu.
Gary: (who’s just come in with his wife & daughters) Hello, Celia.
Celia: Oh, hello.
Gary: Robbie, you’re looking forward to Mallorca?
Robbie: Yeah:
Felicity: You’ll love it. I’ve told Mariella, the housekeeper, just to stay out of your way.
(John and Greg come in; John carrying Flora’s baby carrier).
Robbie: (looks over at him then points him out to his best man) Here’s that lanky streak of greasy shite I told you about that she insisted on inviting. You have got the ring safe, haven’t you?
Dave: No, Robbie, I flogged it.
Ellie: Are you going to say hello to Gary?
Raff: Of course. I haven’t fallen out with him.



(flashback to an argument with Gillian and Gary. Gillian’s holding an axe in her hand, gesticulating with it during the argument.)
Robbie: Gillian, it’s agreed. We’ve accepted it.
Gillian: Yeah, because of me dad falling out with him. And then our Raff, deciding he’s not taking him up on his stupid job offer.
Robbie: It’s booked, it’s paid for, we’ve sent out the invitations. You’ve been happily choosing all the stuff you want, flowers, menu, decor.
Gillian: Only because people kept ringing up and asking bloody questions.
Gary: You’re being…You are being irrational. Just relax. Just enjoy it for God’s sake, just go with the flow. Is this about something else?
Gillian: It’s about not being in control of my own wedding. It’s about having my wedding hijacked by Mr. Moneybags and turned into a circus. And you, you going on and on and on at me.
Robbie: It would have been weird not to have accepted it.
Gillian: It wouldn’t! It would not. It would have been normal.
Robbie: Gillian.
Stop being a twat.


Caroline’s stopped at a petrol station to put some fuel in the Jeep; Alan’s headed into the station to pay for it, so Gillian decides to carry on an earlier conversation.

Gillian: There is more to it than what I’ve said.
Caroline: Okay.
Gillian: I shagged this bloke I work with.
Caroline: When?
Gillian: Ollie.
Caroline: When?
Gillian: At the supermarket. Not at the supermarket. In the back of his van.
Caroline: So this is -?
Gillian: Four weeks ago. (quick flashback to the van – not covering the brief flash) Obviously, it shouldn’t have happened. Obviously it was cause of Robbie calling me a twat, and I just thought that…Right you…That is going to have repercussions, whether I like it or not. That is going to have reprecussions.
Caroline: Was it just that once?
Gillian: Yes.
Caroline: Lashing out?
Gillian: If you like.
Caroline: And this Ollie lad, he’s someone that you’ve had shenanigans with before?
Gillian: Yeah, he’s an old…well, I say old, he’s 24. But yeah. Bit of an old pal, yeah.
Caroline: Not. Not the…?
Gillian: No.
Caroline: Except that it’s not like you’re embarking on something new, if it was just…
Gillian: No, no.
Caroline: A moment…
Gillian: Yes!
Caroline: And that’s how this lad, this…
Gillian: Ollie.
Caroline: Ollie sees it, he’s not…likely to kick up a fuss.
Gillian. No. God, no. Except he’s…He’ll be there.
Caroline: To…to…to the…
Gillian: I invited him.
Caroline: Today?
Gillian: Well, I sent the invites, didn’t I? Before I…with him.
Caroline: But he’s not going to say anything?
Gillian: No, no, no. I don’t know.
Caroline: Jesus.
Gillian: I doubt it.
Caroline: (Takes a moment as she hangs up the pump before heading back to the car, directly in front of Gillian) So is this something you want to tell Robbie about to get off your chest, before you…
Gillian: No, no. I just needed to tell someone else.
Caroline: All right.
Gillian: I know you think I’m a right old slapper.
Caroline: No, I don’t. I don’t. Think things like that. I think…You’re an adult. People are what they are.
Gillian: I don’t like feeling trapped, owned, chattle…-ated. That’s not a word.
Caroline: No.
Gillian: But you know what I mean.
Caroline: Yeah. I think you’ve got to shoulder the burden of the guilt, whatever. Put it all behind you and tell yourself it happened, won’t happen again and move forward, yeah?
Gillian: Yeah.
Caroline: Yeah.
Gillian: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (Caroline closes the door of the car and goes round to her side.


Gillian: It wasn’t…it wasn’t just Ollie.
Caroline: Okay. Well, what else?
Gillian: John. John, it was John. And that was your fault.
Caroline: My fault?
Gillian: Indirectly.
Caroline: Oooh, I’m dying to hear this.
Gillian: It was when he thought you were shagging Greg.
Caroline: Who thought I was shagging Greg?
Gillian: He did. John did.
Caroline: When?
Gillian: When he moved in, at your house. Greg. When Greg moved in.
Caroline: John did?
Gillian: Yes!
Caroline: John did?
Gillian: My dad. Shut up.


Caroline’s driving them off to the wedding and they’re discussing things about John and Greg being buddies, when a car is driving in the middle of the road, forcing Caroline off to the side where she gets a flat rear tyre.

Gillian: Idiot!
Caroline: Did you see that?
Gillian: Jerk! (looking back and yelling, despite the fact the other driver can’t hear her) You tosser!
Caroline: Oh, hang on.
Alan: Is summat up?
Caroline: Oh my God.
Alan: That’s all we need.
Caroline: We can only be ten minutes from the hotel. We just need to ring someone up to come and fetch us.
Gillian: No signal.
Alan: No, neither have I. We should have gone through Halifax instead of coming over tops.
Gillian: Yeah.
Caroline: (holding her phone up to see if she can find a signal) Okay, well.
Alan: Yeah.
Gillian: This is a sign.
Alan: What is?
Gillian: From God. That I shouldn’t show up.
Alan: Oh.
Caroline: (Sizing up the wheel) I think, between us, we can change a wheel in 10 minutes. And they’re expecting us to be a little late anyway, aren’t they?
Alan: Yes, that’s…Yeah, true.
Caroline: So?
Gillian: He’s not changing a wheel. (To her dad) You’re not changing a wheel. You’ve got a heart condition.
Alan: Well, where’s the manual. I can read the instructions.
Caroline: In the glove compartment.
Gillian: You realise we’re going to get covered in cack and goo and grease and general shite –
Caroline: Yeah. But we’re not just standing here.



Caroline rolls the wheel out of the back of her Jeep, then rolls it over to the side and takes a breather once she drops it; Gillian’s still looking at the manual

Caroline: So what’s this thing then, that happened?
Gillian: (after relaying to Caroline about her conversation with John) I knew it was a mistake before anything had even happened. It was why I wanted to do it in the first place that haunts me.
Caroline: So, his…his plan was thinking I’d have him back? That is…
Gillian: I think it still is, ’cause obviously after that, I had to send him packing again.
Caroline: That is so misguided.
Gillian: Mmmm.
Caroline: So hang on. So you’ve shagged Ollie and John in the last…
Gillian: It was more of a fumble with John. The logistics were a bit…(waggles hand)
Caroline: Okay.
Gillian: But yeah…
Caroline: (trying to get the bolts off with the lug wrench, without success) Okay, this is impossible.
Gillian: Is it?
Caroline: Easier to screw them on in the factory with the pneumatic thingy.
Gillian: You need to stand on the lever. Shift over, I’ll do it.
Caroline: No! We’re keeping you clean. Stand on it?
Gillian: Yeah. Yeah. Then you got your whole weight. (Caroline huffs) Then you need to jump up and down a bit. (Caroline does so and the lever creaks). Yeah, that’s it. (Caroline’s still bouncing on the lever – and Alan looks back to see what’s happening.) Is it shifting? (Clank)
Caroline: Yeah. (One more bounce, the lug comes off and Caroline lands on the ground in some manure). Oh, shit! Ugh.
Gillian: Yeah, but it worked. It’s worked. Look! The…There’s just the other four to loosen now.
Caroline: Oh shit. (sighing).
Gillian: You’re doing really well. I get covered in crap every day. It’s a matter of course and it’s not that bad. Honestly, it’s just…it’s just horse shit, that. It’s nice. It’s friendly. It’s good for you. They’re not carnivorous. So, you know. It could be worse. (Caroline sighs). It’s just grass. It’s grass and bacteria, really. You’re a chemist.
Caroline: (Upon seeing the heel of her shoe broken off) Oh, no.
Gillian: Okay, let me –
Caroline: No! No! You stand back. One of us is going to get there looking decent, and obviously, it isn’t going to be me.
Alan: Are you all right? (Caroline sighs)
Gillian: She’s fine. One day, we’ll look back on this and laugh. Or not, possibly. Were those shoes very expensive? (Caroline gives her a dirty look).
Alan: You don’t think it’s going to rain, do you? (at which point it does, with a rumble of thunder).



Gary and Felicity are having a conversation at the wedding.

Felicity: So is it true?
Gary: Who told you that?
Felicity: The little thingy over there, with the baby. Ellie.
Gary: Ah, okay.

Felicity: You paid Harry’s costs?
Gary: Well…
Felicity: £46,000.
Gary: Does it matter?
Felicity: (sighs) You don’t know these people. (Chuckling) I mean, God, you spent ten grand on this.
Gary: I felt sorry for him, and…And I thought it might make Alan a little bit more, you know, a little bit less ill-disposed towards me.
Felicity: And did it?
Gary: No. He accused me of trying to suck up to his friends.
Felicity: Well, you had better not tell my father that you have undermined his authority.
Gary: No, I’m going to tell your father anything I like. It’s my money. Yeah. Sorry, Richard, I paid this 75-year old man’s costs for him because your ruling meant he wouldn’t have a roof over his head.
Felicity: He damaged the lock. People were incovenienced for weeks. He was drunk.
Gary: It was an accident.



After Gillian and Caroline escape to the bathroom to get tidied up

Gillian: There was something else.
Caroline: What?
Gillian: It was weird.
Caroline: What was?
Gillian: Yesterday. Robbie. Before he set up here to his stag do. (She relays the conversation that Robbie knew all about Eddie beating the shit out of her and not doing anything, and that he didn’t blame her but the consequences if she had were severe). “Because murder is murder,” he said. (sniffling) And that was it. I said I was glad he told me. And that was it. Which is why I don’t think I can go through with it. It wasn’t all that other stuff. That was just excuses. Rubbish. You see, I’ve always imagined, in some…mad, alternative universe that one day, I could tell him the truth and he would understand. And he’d forgive me. But now, I know that he never would. Ever. He’s a copper. It’s how he thinks. I’m sorry. I should have told you that in the first place, before we set off. That’s why I couldn’t come out of the bathroom. I couldn’t say it, so I came out with the all that other shit.
Caroline: Wow.
Gillian: Yeah.
Caroline: Buf if you pulled out now, what reason would you give him?
Gillian: Ollie, John. Gary paying for everything, me being bulldozed into stuff. Or I could say I was upset about what he told me. That he knew Eddie knocked me about and he did nothing. (sighs)
Caroline: I don’t know what to say.
Gillian: (Sighing) I should have listened to you. It was wrong. I never should have got involved with him. You were right. You were right.
Caroline: I don’t know what to say.
Gillian: You’ve been a really good friend, and I’ve just dumped a load of crap on you. As usual.
Caroline: Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s fine. It’s what friends are for. It’s just, I…(sighs) I don’t know what to say.
Gillian: (sighs & sniffles) On the other hand, he’s such a nice man and he’s had such a rubbish life. He was orphaned. His brother got murdered…Died, and now (sighs) how could I think about standing him up at the altar in front of all his friends? Wouldn’t that be worse? Now. Now we got this far.
Caroline: You know…You can always get divorced. Afterwards.
Gillian: Yeah. (Both sighing)
Caroline: I look ridiculous.
Gillian: Yes, you do.



To leave on this on a happier note, I’ll leave you with a wonderful shot of Caroline and Gillian after the wedding, since we’re going to have quite a wait until series four is underway. All the best to you until then.🙂


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Last Tango in Halifax – Series Three – Missing Scenes [Eps 301-303]

Here we go again for another series of Last Tango in Halifax being aired on PBS with clips and sections edited out for various reasons, the choices in the edits I don’t always understand. For me, whether you like the choices made or not, each part of Sally Wainwright’s writing is very specific and nuanced, so making the editing choices from the full BBC edition to make way for PBS’s advertisements during their airings of the show doesn’t make sense.

This series was just as interesting, beautiful, heartbreaking to watch for the second time as it was the first time. Admittedly, while I own the official BBC DVDs and have digital copies of the episodes on my computer’s hard drive, I’ve not actually re-watched the third series again until now. In order to do the write-ups for series three, I’ve recorded the eps from PBS to my DVR, and using the digital BBC copies on my computer to make the comparisons. There are a couple of lines or sections of lines that I did have to guess at due to the mumbling of a word or two, or an unfamiliarity of a word/location. I’ve tried my best to sort out everything for you. If you happen to spot an error in wording, let me know and I can fix it.

A HUGE thank you to Sally Wainwright, Red Productions and the cast and crew of Last Tango in Halifax for yet another strong series, which made me laugh and cry in almost equal measure. The writing, acting, directing (and so much more) were phenomenally done. Original dialogue and images belong to Sally Wainwright and Red Productions.

This post covers the first three episodes of series three. The next one will come after the second half of the series has been aired. If you’re interested in checking out the previous posts on missing scenes/words/sections from LTIH, here they are:

Series One – Episodes 101-103
Series One – Episodes 104-106
Series Two – Episodes 201-203
Series Two – Episodes 204-206

As per previous posts, the segments/words edited out are written in red.

Series Three – Episodes 301

Caroline and Kate are celebrating Valentine’s Day with chocolates and cider, kissing on the couch while University Challenge plays in the background.

Host: Your bonuses are on quantum physics: Heisenberg’s original uncertainty relation concerns which two observable properties of a particle?
Caroline: (briefly breaking kiss) position and momentum.(continues the kissing)
Student: Yeah, location and momentum.
Host: Position and momentum is correct, yes. (clapping from studio audience). Quantitatively, the product of the two uncertainties is always greater than or equal to the unreduced Planck’s Constant H divided by what number?
Caroline: (breaks kiss again) 4 pi.
Host: (after students look at each other in query) Come along. Let’s have it, please.
Caroline: (responding to the tv screen) 4 pi. (Kate feeds her a chocolate candy).
Host: Quickly.
Caroline: (indignant, speaking around the chocolate) It’s 4 pi….hello?
Student: Speed of Light
Host: No, It’s 4 π.
Caroline: Mmm. No shit.
Host: A similar uncertainty relationship exists between energy and what quantity?
Kate: (grabs the remote) I’m turning this off (spoken over the host, then hits the off button).
Caroline: Oh, guess what? Gillian’s got a date.
Kate: Has she? Gillian?
Caroline: This bloke…
Kate: What bloke?
Caroline: Just came in to the shop apparently and asked her out.
Kate: Oh that’s romantic.
Caroline: Is it?
Kate: Isn’t it?
Caroline: Oh, it’s very Gillian.
Kate: I can never work out whether you love Gillian to bits or you think she’s a complete plonker.
Caroline: It’s kind of…both.
(starts rubbing Kate’s pregnant belly). I’ve got something else for you. As well as the card, and flowers and the chocolate.
Kate: What?
Caroline: Okay. You know Christmas?
Kate: Yeah.
Caroline: (continuing to play her fingers over Kate’s belly) I was so happy…when you know…and I was thinking, with the baby nearly due and everything (reaches behind her and puts an open ring box on Kate’s belly). Should…shall…why don’t we get married…properly…married.
Kate: (bubbles up with happy laughter.)
Caroline: (leaning up to look at her properly) Is that a…? What is that?
Kate: nods her head and they both start giggling before returning to the kissing.



This scene picks up with Caroline & Celia’s conversation where Caroline informs Celia that she and Kate are getting married. It is kind of a long scene, and the part PBS cut was near the end of it, so rather than type out the whole thing, I’ll backtrack slightly before the end of what PBS aired and continue on. Celia was getting on about what the baby would call her, and blaming Caroline’s father for being ineffectual as a man as to explain why Caroline was gay, so Celia had projected expectations onto Caroline growing up.

Celia: …I thought you were in a rush.
Caroline: Yeah, but you know that’s all bollocks, don’t you? I was born this way, to quote Lady Gaga. (turns to the door and opens it).
Celia: Oh, I like Lady Gaga.
Caroline: Do you?
Celia: Mmhmm. She’s nuts.
Caroline: (turns back to her mum and gives her a kiss) I’m going now. (heads out the door back her own part of the house).
Celia: She reckons to be a lesbian. I’ll bet she isn’t, anymore than you are.
Caroline (stops and turns back to her mum. She starts to speak then turns back to the car rather than get into another argument). No, I’m going to work.
Celia: Okay, ta ta love. (closes the door to her granny suite).



Raff, Ellie, Alan, Celia and Gillian are having dinner, talking about Harry’s accident with his narrowboat. Alan and Gillian aren’t really participating in the conversation after talk about Alan’s old fling.

Raff: It’s shameful. A fella in his 70s being ordered by some over-privileged toffee-nosed twat of a judge to sell his house.
Ellie: He could have killed someone.
Raff: Yeah, but he didn’t. He was enjoying his retirement. He had a mishap.
Ellie Which would have all been fine if he’d not been over the limit.
Celia: Who is it that he actually owes the money to? Who is it that’s taking him to court? The council?
Ellie: No, it’s the…
Raff: Waterways and Rivers Authority. Evil bastards.



This next scene was completely missing from the PBS airing of this episode.

Celia, Alan and Harry are at Harry’s house while Harry goes through some papers. Alan’s sitting in a chair, very pensive while they talk about Harry’s need to sell his house.

Celia: I think you’ve got to bite the bullet.
Harry: I have. I’ve rung the estate agent. That one down Rippondon. She’s popping up this aft.
Celia: Hmmm. I’ve very good at selling houses. Sold four and we always got the asking price.
Harry: My.
Celia: What you need, Harry, is a good tidy up and a lick of paint.
Harry: I have tidied up. (Celia turns around to him, askance, as he moves some things off the couch.)
Celia: When? Recently?
Harry: Yeah. Just before you came.
Celia: (disbelieving) Okay.
Harry: I think, what somebody would be buying, with a house like this, is personality.
Celia: I think, I’m only giving you an opinion…
Harry: No, no. Go on.
Celia: I think your definition of tidied up and somebody else’s might differ.
Harry: Well, yeah, obviously. But anybody with an ounce of wit can see it’s got potential. And you couldn’t put a price on view out that Velux window in the attic.
Celia: Oh, no. I think that’s your big selling point. It’s a blank canvas.
Alan: Have you thought where you might move to if it did sell?
Harry: I’m not moving without Yvonne.
Alan and Celia: No.
Harry: Even if she asked me, which she wouldn’t. I’ve got an appointment with local housing. Rang ’em this morning. Nice girl. But obviously there’s a waiting list.
Celia: (to Alan) Right. Should we make tracks, Mr. Buttershaw?
Harry: You don’t suppose I could move up to farm?
Alan: No, you couldn’t. There’s not room.
Harry: Yeah, but you and Celia have got your little pad in Harrogate. I could doss in your room.
Alan: Don’t be so bloody daft.



Lawrence and Angus are at school walking in the hallway, talking about his mum and Kate’s wedding.

Lawrence: You don’t have to come, man.
Angus: I don’t mind coming, dude.
Lawrence: It’ll be, like, boring.
Angus: Dude, so what. Saturdays are, like, boring anyway.
Lawrence: They better not read out, like, any poems.
Angus: Why not?
Lawrence: ‘Cause that would be truly embarrassing.
Some classmates come up to the boys and turn to place a sticky paper to the back of Lawrence’s school jacket, then walk off laughing.
Boy: Sorry, man.
Lawrence: Oh, yeah. (More laughter from the passing boys). (Back talking to Angus) Poems, no. Not poems. Search for poems that are lesbino.

Angus turns back to look at the guys still laughing then back to Lawrence but not before noticing the sign stuck to Lawrence’s back and pulls it off.

Lawrence: What? What’s that?
Angus: It’s nothing.
Lawrence: What is it?
Angus: (crumples the paper and holds it up) Nothing.
Lawrence: (grabs it and unwrinkled it to read it, then crumples it again about ready to take off).
Angus: It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it!
Lawrence tackles the boys that were responsible.

Very shortly thereafter, the boys are in Caroline’s office. She unfolds the sheet of paper in question, which reads “My mum sips from the furry cup”. She’s not amused.

Caroline: Who was it?
Lawrence: No one.
Caroline: Who was it?
Lawrence: No one.
Caroline: (turning to Angus) Who was it?
Angus: (looks at Caroline then Lawrence) Seb Dickson.
Caroline: (to Beverly who is standing there) Could you find Seb Dickson’s parents for me and explain to them that he’s been involved in a homophobic incident…
Lawrence: Do you have to?
Caroline: …and I’d like to see them at their earliest convenience? (Beverly turns to head out to her office). (To Lawrence) Yes, I do have to. (Sighing, she turns to Angus) Are you coming a fortnight on Saturday, Angus, to the wedding? Has Lawrence invited you?
Angus: Yep. Thank you.
Caroline: Nobody is going to bully or humiliate or ridicule me…
Lawrence: It’s not just about you!
Caroline: …or anyone. Anyone! In this school.



Gillian and Robbie in bed chatting post-coitus.

Robbie: Dark horse isn’t he, your Dad?
Gillian: Yep.
Robbie: You all right?
Gillian: I ought to be really cross with him. I am really cross with him. I’m more…It’s my mum and he’s…And she never knew, he says. How can I be cross with him, with his heart? I can’t say, ‘You…shag bandit.
Robbie: *smiles & chuckles*
Gillian: Well, that’s what he’s called me over the years.
Robbie: Was it just the once?
Gillian: He says.
Robbie: Do you think there were others?
Gillian: Not asked…Oh, I don’t want to know. I can’t imagine there were. But Caroline said she couldn’t imagine her dad…
Robbie: How did it happen? How does a fella like your dad end up getting into bed with somebody else?
Gillian: I don’t know. I’m not… I’m not going there.
Robbie: Maybe it was in the back-of-the-car, knee-tremble type job. (They both laugh). Huh. So, does Celia know?
Gillian: No. Shit, no. Not yet.
Robbie: Is he going to tell her?
Gillian: Don’t know.

Robbie: So, what’s he after, this Gary?
Gillian: Nothing.
Robbie: Money?
Gillian: No
Robbie: Compensation?
Gillian: No. He doesn’t seem short of money.
Robbie: Yeah, well, don’t you be fooled.
Gillian: Caroline and Kate are getting married.
Robbie: Are they? (Gillian nods) Are they?
Gillian: Apparently.
Robbie: You going?
Gillian: Just the toffs being invited by the sound of things….How’s Cheryl?
Robbie: Uhhhh. She wants a new kitchen. (they both chuckle at the absurdity of things).



This scene flits back and forth from a phone conversation between Gillian and Caroline and a supper conversation between Caroline and Kate. It is a bit long but necessary to understand Gillian’s reaction (even though it’s eliminated.

Gillian’s phone rings while she’s under a tractor. Caroline’s calling her on her mobile from work.
Gillian: Hi.
Caroline: Hi, how are things?
Gillian: Fine.
Caroline: I’ve not heard from my mother for a few days and I wondered if there’d been any developments in this Gary situation?
Gillian: Oh. Yeah. Um. I shoulda rung you. Sorry.

Kate: Definitely?
Caroline: Apparently. Well, he definitely had a fling with this woman and the dates fit so, yeah.
Kate: God, you never can tell, can you?
Caroline: My mother still doesn’t know.
Kate: Oh.
Caroline: He’s going to meet him. Apparently, Alan’s going to meet this guy. Gillian’s fixed them up with a date in a tea shop in Halifax next week. She’s going to take my mother out shopping for a new outfit for our wedding, so it’s all going off behind her back. She thinks her and Gillian are having a girlie day out. In fact it’s just a ruse to get her out of the way. That’s more or less how she said it, ‘like I choose to spend a day with your mother’ and I thought don’t you damn well talk about my mother like that.
Kate: She didn’t say that.
Caroline: The subtext.
Kate: You didn’t say anything?
Caroline: Well, yes, in fact I did.

(On phone with Gillian)
Caroline: Okay, well, Gillian, I’m sorry. I understand it’s a difficult situation and I really don’t want to make it any worse, but he…well, someone is going to have to tell my mother at some point and if none of you do, I will because my dad deceived her for years and I am not not having that happen again. Ever.
Gillian: (pulls phone away from face, looking at the screen whilst holding up a two-fingered salute and mouthing ‘bitch’ at the phone). Thing is, Caroline, nobody wants to deceive anybody. I just…I think if he meets him first and gets that out of the way sort of thing.Yeah?
Caroline: Yeah.
Gillian: Okay.
Caroline: Right.
Gillian: Okay.
Caroline: Thank you.
Gillian: Congratulations, by the way.
Caroline: Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Gillian: (holding her finger over the microphone) on being a lesbian. (removes finger from microphone).
Caroline: Are you busy, fortnight on Saturday?
Gillian: Oh, uhm…
Caroline: Ah, you, Raff, Ellie and the baby. 11:30 at the register office in Harrogate.
Gillian: Well, we…
Caroline: It’s not going to be a big do; don’t feel obliged. It’s just us, one or two of my friends from Oxford, a few of Kate’s friends from uni, one or two members of senior staff. You don’t have to, you know, be obliged. Um.
Gillian: Sorry, it’s ummm. Yeah, sorry, damn. Sorry, we’re hum
Caroline: Well, I know it’s short notice.
Gillian: Sadly, yeah. We’re ah busy. Otherwise, yeah. We woulda have loved to…yeah been there.
Caroline: Okay.


Caroline: (heavy sigh) So…
Kate: He wasn’t unfaithful to her, though, was he?
Caroline: I don’t think it matters. She’ll be gutted. She’ll be devastated. But I do know she’d never forgive me if she knew I’d known and not said anything.



Episode 302

Celia and Gillian at a cafe in town.

Celia: So you’re not coming to this “wedding” then?
Gillian: She did ask me, only I said we were busy.
Celia: And aren’t you?
Gillian: I don’t think she really wanted me there. I think she only invited me ’cause she thought she should.
Celia: I think you’ve been a bit sensitive. If she didn’t want you, she wouldn’t ask you. You know what she’s like.
Gillian: Who else is going?
Celia: William’s coming up from Oxford, a few people from school, couple of her pals from Oxford. I don’t know about Kate’s family. Fairly small. It’s all about last minute as not everybody’s available. Our Muriel’s in Corfu, sadly.

Gillian: So, John’s living at the house and Kate’s on leave now, so she’s at home all day, with John.
Celia: Oh, yeah. Presumably… ’cause he’s never at work, is he? I don’t know why they pay him.
Gillian: (starts to giggle slightly).


Celia and Alan get ready for bed.

Celia: I do like Kate, you know. I suppose if Caroline had to be that way, she could have done a lot worse. It’s funny, isn’t it? Babies, they’re always welcome when they come, even when they’re unexpected. Like our little Calamity. And now, there’s this other one.
Alan: (leaning against the headboard) sighs.
Celia: I know there’s something bothering you. I wish you’d let on what it is. Is it Harry and that damn silly mess he’s got himself into. (Alan shakes his head) Well, what then.
Alan: I’d have had a bit of news.
Celia: What news? (Celia comes to sit on the bed)
Alan: I’ve been in two minds about whether to tell you or not.
Celia: What news?
Alan: No, it’s not…I’m not ill. I suppose there’s a lot about each other that we still don’t know, isn’t there?
Celia: Is there?
Alan: Well there were 60 odd years not seeing someone, there’s bound to be one or two
Celia: What? One or two what?

Alan: It turns out I’ve got skeleton in the cupboard.
Celia: What do you mean?
Alan: One I never even knew I had. Well, not (puts hand over his face)
Celia: What? What is it? Oh, I don’t care what it is, Alan. You can tell me anything. Nothing’s worth making yourself ill over. Just tell me. Just say it. Just spit it out.
Alan: You’ll think I’m like Kenneth.
Celia: How could you ever be like Kenneth?
Alan: I’ve got a lad. A son. A boy I never knew I had. Well, I call him lad, he’s a man now. You see, I had a bit of a fling.
Celia: When?
Alan: No, years ago.
Celia: Before you were married?
Alan: No. (Celia pulls back a bit from him) Celia, I don’t want to make excuses. It happened, it shouldn’t have. But I didn’t know there’d been a child.
Celia: When?
Alan: Year our Gillian were born. Only as I said, I’ve only just –
Celia: The year Gillian was born? But you’d been married nine years when Gillian was born. Who was she?
Alan: Oh, you wouldn’t know her. They lived up further… Siddle. Mary. She were called Mary. Mary Kershaw. Came to work at Jessops. She were the secetary. She, uhm, she had a look of you.
Celia: The year Gillian was born you were…did Eileen know?
Alan: No. It’s like I said to Gillian, it stopped before it started. It were never…
Celia: What does Gillian know about it?
Alan: Her date, on Valentine’s Day; it weren’t a date, as such. It were him.
Celia: Well, how long did it go on?
Alan: We didn’t.
Celia: Long enough to get her pregnant.
Alan: Only the once. Then she left. I never saw her again. I had no idea she were…

The rest of the conversation carried on in the kitchen is the same.



Raff comes out into the yard to find Gillian working with one of the tractors. He’s looking for Ellie.
Raff: Have you seen Ellie?
Gillian: Yeah, she were up at quarter past six. She was off to catch the ten to seven bus. She has to be at Greenoughs at half past.
Raff: She didn’t discuss this with me at all. Nothing.
Gillian: You need to be communicating with each other more.
Raff: Ahh, No shit.
Gillian: I’m not being an unpaid nanny if she’s out earning money. It’s not, that’s not the way the world works. This isn’t cloud-cookoo-land. Also, plus, Yvonne is slinging me cash every week for her housekeeping, whi-…I can’t accept that. I’m not accepting that if Ellie’s working. Did she even speak to her mother last night?
Raff: No idea.
Gillian: Do you just not talk to each other at all, about anything?
Raff: (starts walking away in a huff with his hand up).
Gillian: Hello? Oh well, I’ll have to bang on her about it then.
Raff: Oh, feel free!
Gillian: Well, see you later. I’m on a shift, after I’ve done everything bloody else for every bugger else! (She throws down the spanner on the tractor in frustration.)
Raff: (turns around and starts back to his mum) What’s up with Celia and my granddad?
Gillian: What is up with Celia and your granddad?
Raff: They sat at the breakfast table not speaking to each other. Has something happened? They were up at night. I heard them.
Gillian: No, I…I don’t think.
Raff: Is one of ’em ill?
Gillian: No, nothing like that. Just. It turns out I’ve got a brother. (Raff lets out snicker). A half-brother, I didn’t know about.
Raff: How? (disbelieved laugh) What?



Gillian’s watching the Greenough’s manager explain some things to Ellie. When it looks like the conversation is easing off, Gillian grabs a couple of boxes in front of her and walks over to Ellie.

Gillian: You and me need to be having a proper conversation at some point, lady.

Ellie turns and walks away, and as Gillian does the same, she spots Cheryl walks into the grocery store in her police uniform, walking right up to Gillian.

Cheryl: Gillian!
Gillian: Cheryl.
Cheryl: How’s yourself?
Gillian: Yeah, yeah. I’m all right (looking over her shoulder)
Cheryl: Oh, bless. I heard the news.
Gillian: Which?
Cheryl: That you and Robbie’s been at it behind me back. Is there anything you’d like to say to me?
Gillian: I…ah…
Cheryl: You don’t know what I’m talking about? No. I’m sorry, that’s not going to wash. That it were Robbie who told me himself. Yeah, a bit of a domestic about the kitchen and him not wanting to spend money and me saying, well, it’s just a breeding ground for bacteria. Well, one thing led to another and it all came tumbling out, so what I’d like to suggest is, next time you’re making whoopie, if you could just ask him to wear one of these (hands Gillian a box of condoms on top of the boxes of things she’s still holding and by this point several store customers are watching on to the confrontation much to Gillian’s horror), ’cause obviously I personally don’t want to be picking up anything unplanned. Oh, and as well, if you’re so desperate for sex that you need to borrow other people’s fellas, let me give you this: (Cheryl puts an activated purple rotating vibrator on top of the boxes as well. Gillian’s mortified) Yep. So, there we go. Have a nice day. Mind how you go. (Cheryl turns around and addresses the increased crowd.) Careful now, don’t get too close or she’ll have your keks off. I know, and with a face like a bust shoe. She must release some sort of like pheromones, eh? (turns to a patron) Oh, I like your shoes.

Gillian makes a face like: Go on, get your gawking over with and move on, then turns back to see the store manager and Ellie looking on and turns back to quickly get rid of her armful of stuff – including the still rotating vibrator that only seems to get louder as she tries to figure out how to turn the damned thing off. And people are still looking on.



At the farmhouse, they’re getting ready to go to supper with Gary, and having a discussion about the confrontation at work.

Raff: Ah, yeah, Mum, what’s this about you and a vibrator and some condoms?
Ellie: I said not to say owt!
Raff: So, actually you got sacked, in fact.

I resigned.
Ellie: (at the same time) She resigned.
Alan: What happened?
Gillian: Nothing.
Raff: Cheryl came in the shop apparently.
Ellie: I wouldn’t have told you about if I thought you were going to be horrible and repeat it in front of your granddad.
(Knock on the door)
Gillian: Go!
Raff: I’ll go.
Alan: What happened?
Ellie: (approaching Gillian) I wouldn’t have, Gillian.
Alan: Well, what happened?
Gillian: There was an incident at work, involving Cheryl, who clearly has some form of borderline personality disorder and who got the wrong end of the stick, yet again.
Alan: So? What happened?

Flashback to Gillian trying to get the vibrator to stop but it won’t shut off. Ellie comes up to help pick up the stuff that was dropped on the ground. People are still gathered about.
Gillian: It’s nothing. It can’t turn off.
Ellie: (turns from picking stuff up and shoving it in a bag, to the gawkers) Carry on!
Boss: Perhaps we should have a chat, Gillian. My office? (he turns and walks away)
Ellie: You all right?
Gillian: Yeah, I’m fine. (end flashback)


Gillian: So, he said it was a final warning and I resigned.
Alan: No, hang on. Why would Cheryl do something like that?
Gillian: Because she’s deranged.
Ellie: And she’s thick. Not that she can help it.
Robbie: (walking into the living room) I heard what happened. Just wanted to say I was sorry. I should have warned you that she um…that she…(Alan’s looking back and forth between Gillian and Robbie). Anyway, she’s moved out. She’s gone.
Raff: Why?
Gillian: We’ve…uh…
Raff: Ahhh…You’ve…
Gillian: (after Alan’s giving her a look) Don’t you ever, ever pull that face at me again, young man.
Robbie: Why? What did…oh.
Gillian: I did tell you.
Robbie: Yeah.
Alan: You…you told him? (incredulously) When?
Gillian: (to Robbie) We’ve been invited out to tea, to Gary’s.
Robbie: Gary? Oh.
Gillian: (gives Robbie a hand gesture to head out the door) So
Robbie: Okay, so…blimey.
Gillian: So, she’s moved out?
Robbie: Yep.
Alan: Come on, we need to be setting off.
Gillian: Hmmm.
Robbie: Sorry, well, I’ll catch up with you later.
Gillian: Yeah.
(Looks passed between Raff, Alan and Gillian as she’s herding them out the house.)


Following the main part of the meal at Gary’s, they break off into different groupings. This part is completely edited out of the PBS version. While Gillian and Felicity are still in the dining room drinking some alcohol (brandy?) and they and Ellie are laughing and chatting, Gary and Alan off in a sitting room and Gary is showing Alan an old book.

Alan: And this is a first edition? (Alan’s looking at an old book)
Gary: No, not quite. God knows how much that’d be worth. No, this is a first edition in America with, look, the publisher’s misatribution on the title page to Charlotte Bronte. Isn’t that, you know, amazing?
Alan: Amazing.
Gary: I’m so excited that we’ve met, Alan. I feel like I need to know everything…everything about you. And I want you to know everything about me.
Alan: Yeah. Yeah, well. We will, lad. We will.



The morning of the wedding, Caroline wakes up to an alarm clock and after shutting it off turns on to her back then happily turns over to curl up to an already awake Kate.

Caroline: Good morning.
Kate: Well, hello.
Caroline: How long have you been up?
Kate: I couldn’t get comfortable. Then I got heartburn, again. Then I had to get up to pee, about 19 times. And I got all excited thinking about being married, to you.
Caroline: Ohhhh. (curls up even closer to Kate, resting her head on Kate’s chest). Aren’t you simple.
Kate: Just think, in over three hours we’ll be shackled to each other forever. Have you chosen a poem?
Caroline: I might have.
Kate: Don’t want to be the only one reading out a poem.
Caroline: Might have written one.
Kate: Have you?
Caroline: Might have.
Kate: No, have ya?
Caroline: My love is like a hot water bottle.
Kate: That’s so flattering, Caroline. (sarcastically)
Caroline: My love is like a thermal vest.
Kate: God, you really missed your “metier. haven’t you? (Kate’s rubbing Caroline’s head that’s draped across her abdomen, lulling Caroline back to sleep).
Caroline: Shall I compare thee to my Jeep Cherokee?
Kate: Go on then.
Caroline: Thou art more…
Kate: More?
Caroline: more…
Kate: Built like a tank and guzzles diesel like it’s going out of fashion?
Caroline: Yeah. I’ve not thought that one through yet.
Kate: Well, you’ve got three hours. (Kate’s noticed Caroline’s responses have slowed down and her breathing has changed to sleeping). Caroline? (softer) Caroline? (She presses a kiss to sleepy Caroline’s head then reaches over for her mug of tea.



Episode 303

Robbie turns up at the farmhouse at a rather awkward time for Gillian so she goes out to see him.

Gillian: This is all your fault (as Robbie’s getting out of his truck).
Robbie: What is?
Gillian: I should have been on a shift at Greenough’s now. Then I’d have had enough money for…(starts to turn away, then back). Why did you tell Cheryl?
Robbie: It just…it…I don’t know. It just came out. I thought you said you were happy to have an excuse to chuck it in.
Gillian: Yeah, but now the euphoria has died down and the reality is in a few short days I’m going to be skint.
Robbie: Okay. Well. In fact that is why I’m here. Is there somewhere where we can talk?
Gillian: (Looks around at the otherwise quiet space around her farm, raising her hands then dropping them back to her side). Harry and Raff and Calamity are up the sitting room so, fire away.
Robbie: Okay, well. I’ve suggested this before, and you know it’s a good idea, but then things got a bit messy because of that John. Twat. But look. I’ve seen the light, with Cheryl. I don’t want to live in a box, worrying about a new kitchen and a new bathroom and a new carpet. I know you’re…you. But look, why don’t we get married. You can farm and I’ve got my salary and then a good pension. Good enough. And you won’t have to worry about doing anything part time. I can help you. Yeah? You know I can. I can turn my hand to owt. What are you thinking?
Gillian: I don’t like being dependent on people.
Robbie: I know that, Gillian.
Gillian: Well, what would…you mean you’d sell your house and come and live here?
Robbie: Yeah, married. It isn’t about being dependent. It’s about sharing…everything. Pooling our resources and yeah, being equal…partners.
Gillian: I don’t know.
Robbie: Why?
Gillian: You’re a nice fellow. You’re a good man.
Robbie: So? You think about it. If you give me the nod then I can have my house up on the market within a week.
(Gillian’s gently nodding her head in understanding, thinking.)



John drives Alan over to the farmhouse in Halifax rather than dropping him at the train station. Gillian’s surprised to see him back.

Gillian: What’s going on?
Alan: John’s kindly driven me over. He was going to get the train. You know, with his (gesturing to his heart)
Gillian: Has something happened? You’re not at the wedding?
Alan: No. (he walks on ahead, Gillian turns back questioningly at John wondering what’s going on).

Inside the house the conversation continues.

Alan: She just needs time. That’s all. It’s all been a big shock for her. For all of us. And these things just take time. That’s all.
Gillian: Caroline’s going to be like gutted, that her mother didn’t…
Alan: Yeah. Yes, I think she was.
Gillian: You shoulda gone. You shoulda gone to support Caroline at least
Alan: Yeah, yeah, well. I did go, in fact. I said to Celia, ‘I’m going, whether you do or not. And then when I got there, she told me there were no point me being there if her mother weren’t, so…
Gillian: She said that?
John: Did she?
Gillian: Caroline did? In front of everybody?
Alan: No, outside. Everyone else had gone in. It were cutting. I was shocked.
Gillian: Right. Bitch. (picks up her mobile, and starts pressing keys)
Alan: Ah, she were upset, obviously.
Gillian: Don’t care. She’s not talking to you like that.
Alan: What’re you doing?
Gillian: I’m sending her a text. ‘F-Off, bitch. Hope you have a shit day.’
Alan: (Interrupting her) – Don’t do that!
Gillian: I’m tempted.

Alan: Yeah, none of it would have happened if Celia had’ve…(sighs) ah, then, of course none of any of it would have happened if I hadn’t…
John: Sorry, what? What did happen?
Gillian: (after a long pause) I’ve got a half brother.
Alan: I’ve got a son.
John: You? So he’s…
Alan: He’s younger than Gillian.
John: So?
Alan: And it’s all been a bit of a surprise.
Raff: Uncle Gary.
John: Ah. Gosh. Okay. So
Gillian: Yeah, they’re coming over for Sunday lunch tomorrow. Him and Felicity. (turns to Alan) Did you know?
Alan: What? Of course I knew. I was there when you arranged it.
John: So, Celia…
Gillian: Yeah.
John: Wouldn’t like…
Gillian: No.
John: So. So how do you feel about that, Gillian?
Alan: Well, it’s complicated. Obviously.
John: So you had a fl—
Alan: Ehhh. It should have never happened, but it did. So.
John: God. That’s really…God. And this Gary…he’s…
Alan: He’s a nice lad. He’s done very well for himself. He just…he wanted to get to know us.
Gillian: (to John) You all right?
John: Me?
Gillian: Celia said you were upset about this…baby business.
John: Oh, well, yes. It’s been…well, yeah.
Gillian: And Judith’s?
John: Gone. To stay with her sister in St. Albans.
Gillian: So that’s…
John: Good. Yeah. I think for everyone.
Alan: Well none of us know what’s round the corner, do we?
Gillian: There’s some soup and some bread, for dinner, if you fancy stopping.
John: Dinner?
Gillian: Lunch.


Gillian and John are still in the kitchen having gone through a considerable amount of wine and are both drunk.

John: Gosh
Gillian: Yeah
John: So how did she find out…Cheryl…that you and Robbie had?
Gillian: He told her. Robbie did.
John: Well I can’t say I’m sorry. Woman like you shouldn’t have to work at a check-out.
Gillian: Nothing wrong about working at a check-out. If people didn’t work at check-outs, snobby piss-heads like you wouldn’t have to buy their Recaro.
John: This is undoubtedly true.
Gillian: In fact, people like you only exist to keep the check out assistant amused. Did you not know that? Paying £14.99 lahdida for something the French paisant wouldn’t chuck over a casserole.
John: Ooooh, listen to you.
Gillian: I was doing French A-Level.
John: Yeah?
Gillian: Yeah. Until I had to drop out, cause of…
John: Oh yeah.
Gillian: Not being pregnant…puh…Not that…
John: Not that..? Not that what?
Gillian: Not that it would have done me any good, finishing my A-Levels
John: You don’t know that. You don’t know what you might have done.
Gillian: Huh. I love drinking too much at lunch time. (They share a short laugh). Sod it. I mean…pblblblbl! (gives the two-fingered salute) I’ve lost my job, I’ve no money, my dad’s fallen out with his girlfriend/ladys/wife/woman, my son’s…phhhh, God knows he’s thrown his future away and chucked his lot in with…actually, you know what? I like Ellie. But the bigger point is why bother pretending? Just go with the flow. Just stop trying to imagine you can resist the onslaught, the inevitable, just give in to the gentle whittling away of anything you imagined resembling a life or a personality.
John: Yeah, I know. It’s just that waking up feeling like shit thing later.
Gillian: I have a thousand and one things I want to ask you.
John: Oh, gosh, well, plunge in.
Gillian: (clears her throat) Okay. One. Did you have no idea that Caroline wanted to bat for the other county before, you know, announced it?
John: Dunno. It’s odd. Looking back, you wonder…
Gillian: What?
John: How much I didn’t know her, really. I was in love with her. I fell in love with her. My God, I was in love with her, Couldn’t believe she existed. She was so…you know, Caroline. But then you realize all you’ve fallen in love with is this face, this lip, this eye, this nostril. It took me ten years to realize that actually when you get beyond the tantalizing exterior, she’s actually pretty boring. (Gillian giggles) I mean, who the shit reads chemistry for God’s sake. (Both of them start giggling again). I just think that people have a shelf life, with each other, and we should just accept that and learn to move on, so we can enjoy…ahhh
Gillian: What?
John: The next thing. Marriage vows are so ancient, so elderly, there’s so…actually today, those two…she’s 47, Kate’s 43. Maybe that works. Maybe they will forsake all others til death do they part. But come on. You can’t say that at 24 and know what you’re buying into. Not when people live to be 90. It’s all right if you drop dead at 27 of plague or small pox. You’ve got a built-in exit to the whole damn pantomime, but come on.
Gillian: Do you. I know what you’re saying.
John: You do? Of course you do. You’re an adventurer. You’re a buccaneer. You live life, that’s why you’re so exciting you silly bitch.
Gillian: Yeah, until the next thing that comes along.
John: Yeah, but as long as we both understand that, isn’t that…You know I’ve got all this money…they bought out my half of the house, the lesbians did.
Gillian: Oh hey.
John: I think you and me could be very good for each other. I think you know that. You’d never have to worry where the next five quid was coming from ever again. I’m serious. You could farm, I could commute to the university and write my novel. I think life could be…I don’t know…pretty good.
(Phone alert sounds)
Gillian: Who’s that? Is that you, Dad? (She calls out to Alan who’s having a nap in the sitting room with Calamity. He wakes up.)
Alan: Huh? Oh. (Sitting up, he reaches for his mobile phone from the table. There’s a text from Harry. ‘I’ll be in the Crown at 7 if you fancy a pint’.) Oh. Hey Gillian?
Gillian: Yes, father?
Alan: Can I borrow Land Rover an hour or so this evening? (Gillian’s giggling away in the kitchen with John).



Kate: Your mother’s car is gone.
Caroline: Gone to get the Mail on Sunday.
Kate: A bit early.
Caroline: She’s the sort that sits outside in the car til they’re open.
Kate: Okay. She’s your mother. (Looks over when she noticed Caroline stopped looking at her iPad and turned to face her). What’s up? (Caroline passes over her iPad enough for Kate to read the screen) Piss off you mad old…(full text reads: ‘Piss off you mad old dyke, I hope you have a shit day. Gillian.) That’s a bit…’ Maybe it’s a joke? Maybe she thinks she’s being funny. Ironic. You know I mean maybe in Halifax that’s how they say ‘Congratulations’…kinda thing. (Caroline looks at her askance.)
Caroline: (Turns back to her iPad and starts typing then shows it to Kate. It reads: ‘Thank You X.’ Kate smiles and nods).

Gillian’s mobile beeps and she opens the message and reads the response and then looks back at the previous text to see what she had sent.

Gillian: Oh shit. No. Shit. No. He’s…I did not send that…(drops her phone to the ground and puts her hands to her head). Ohhhh….ahhh. WANKER!


Celia comes to the farmhouse to apologize to Alan.

Celia: (after Alan opens the door) Hello.
Alan: Hello.
Celia: Look. I’m sorry about yesterday.
Alan: (nods) You want to come through.
Raff: (holding Calamity) Hi, Celia.
Celia: Hello, love. (She approaches Calamity) Hello. Hello.
Raff: I’ll just take her upstairs and change her.
Alan: Right.
Celia: You don’t have to run off because of me.
Raff: It’s nice to see you. (He leans in to give her a one-armed hug and a kiss before leaving the room with the baby).
Alan: Do you want to (gestures to the chair).
Celia: Well I’ve not slept, again.
Alan: Yes. I thought when I saw you; you must have set off early.
Celia: I wonder if…looking back, I was more bothered that you went and met him without telling me than the thing itself.
Alan: I don’t know. I’ve no idea.
Celia: Well that and going on about how wonderful he is when you could see that I was struggling with it all.
Alan: He’s a nice fellow. I’d be lying if I said it was.
Celia: Well do you want me to go away again?
Alan: (finally sitting down) How’s Caroline?
Celia: Oh, she’s not speaking to me.
Alan: No. And do you wonder?
Celia: I would have been at that wedding if none of this had happened.
Alan: You were wrong to take it out on Caroline.
Celia: I was upset.
Alan: Oh, yes. I think we all got that, Celia. Loud and clear.
Celia: I want to move on. And I don’t want to fall out with you.
Alan: You’re your own worst enemy.
Celia: I can’t help how I am.
Alan: You should have never have taken it out on Caroline.
Celia: I went round last night to apologize and she wouldn’t listen.
Alan: Did you?
Celia: And now you’ve fallen out with me.
Alan: I don’t want to fall out with you. It’s last thing I want.
Celia: (grasps his outstretched hand) Is it?
Alan: You know it is.
Celia: So I’m sorry. I am sorry. I’m just…you know it takes time sometimes to deal with something.
Alan: I know that. They’re due round to Sunday dinner today. Him and his wife. I can call; put ’em off.
Celia: No, don’t do that. I think perhaps it’s time I met him.
Alan: Are you sure?
Celia: I’m sure.
Alan: Interestingly, oddly, when we went round to tea t’ other night, as evening wore on and our Gillian drank too much, like she does and his wife, Felicity, she were knocking it back as well; I sensed an undercurrent. Nothing to do with us being there, she seemed perfectly happy with us. I sensed it were more between them, somewhat, I don’t know, so, he probably isn’t perfect.



John goes out to see Gillian in the yard and she’s sitting on one of the tractors.

John: Hi.
Gillian: How pissed were we yesterday?
John: Oh…(scrunches up his face)
Gillian: I’ve done something really stupid. I sent Caroline a text.
John: Oh, yeah.
Gillian: Jesus.
John: She won’t care.
Gillian: I care.
John: Oh.
Gillian: Why didn’t you stop me?
John: Well I did. Tried to. I said probably best not to but you called me a limp-wristed twat, so…

Gillian: I gotta stop drinking. I really have got to stop drinking.
John: Celia’s turned up.
Gillian: Has she?
John: Looks like you’re going to have a full house for lunch.
Gillian: Did you…Did I invite you to stay for lunch? Ahhh, I did, didn’t I?
John: Yeah.
Gillian: Okay, well, thing is, you can’t, because yesterday I invited Robbie as well.
John: You? When?
Gillian: Before you turned up, he came over. Now look, whatever the hell we were talking about yesterday, when we’d had a few, it’s not going to work. It’s not ever going to be a good idea, is it? Okay, so…
John: (moving over to the tractor to sit next to her) Why isn’t it? Why not?
Gillian: Thank you for driving my dad over.
John: I meant what I said…about helping out financially. I didn’t just say it because we’d had a few.
Gillian: I know, I know, I know that. But in the sober light of day, It’s not what I want. All right?
John: Why? Why not?
Gillian: We can be friends but that’s got to be it.
John: No. Why?
Gillian: John. (shakes head) You turn up. You go out and you buy a load of wine. At lunchtime. I didn’t get anything done yesterday afternoon.
John: Well it’s nice, occasionally.
Gillian: I’m not getting into all of that.
John: I didn’t physically pour it down your neck.
Gillian: I know. I did. I’m not blaming you beyond bringing the stuff in. It’s me. I’m ridiculous. I’m rubbish. I can’t be trusted. But what I don’t need is someone who is no better than I am.
John: We’re very alike, you and me.
Gillian: No…yeah, in a bad way.
John: No, Gillian. You… You’ve just got to like yourself more.
Gillian: I don’t even know what that means. If I liked myself more I wouldn’t drink so bloody much. If I liked myself more I’d be able to be more grown up about everything, like Caroline is. I can’t cope with you and Robbie and every bloody body else I’ve got coming today. And then this stupid text I’ve gone and sent.
John: You sent that text because she’d gone and upset your dad. That wasn’t very grown up was it?
Gillian: Yeah, but I didn’t have to be childish about it, did I? She wouldn’t have been, would she? She goes ‘Thank you. X’ like she thinks…Do you think she thinks I was joking? Think she thinks it’s a joke? Do you think she thinks it’s my daft way of saying ‘Congratulations’?
John: Let me read it again? (Gillian gets her mobile and opens the text for John to see) I think you see Caroline through rose-tinted glasses sometimes. I don’t know why you give a toss what she thinks. She’s not perfect you know. Far from it. Yeah, she might have thought it was a joke. She still upset Alan.
Gillian: Yeah, well, maybe Alan’s asked for it in a bit, ya know. I mean, he was unfaithful to my mother, lest we forget, and for once, for once I don’t blame Celia for being pissed off at him.
John: I suppose nobody’s taken your feelings into count in all of this, have they? Not properly. It’s all been about him and her.
Gillian: You’re a nice fellow. But I really don’t want you and Robbie at the same dinner party.
John: Well, tell him not to come then.
Gillian: I can’t do that.
John: Why?
Gillian: Because yesterday morning, before you turned up, he asked me to marry him. And then, God knows how many hours later I was in bed with you, because I’m stupid, flaky and fed up being those things.
John: You don’t want to marry him.
Gillian: Don’t I?
John: I asked you to marry me. More or less.
Gillian: But what if I did want to marry him? What if I do?
John: You don’t.
Gillian: (starts to smile) I do. I do actually. I need you to leave, John. I need you to go. Just go. Stop coming here. And stop thinking you can come here.
John: I brought your dad…
Gillian: My dad asked for a lift to the station in Harrogate. He told me.


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